Guys, This Is Why You’re Still Single
And how to turn it around.
Your last relationship fell apart a couple of years ago, and since then, you’ve had nothing new in your dating life, nothing exciting. You tell yourself you just haven’t found the right person yet, but the truth is that it’s usually the women who refuse a second date with you, not the other way around.
Or you haven’t been on a date in a while. You’ve tried “the online thing,” but that stuff just doesn’t work for you. You hardly ever get a match, and when you do, it never goes anywhere.
You think you’re still single because the dating scene these days is a dumpster fire, but the truth might be more easily uncovered by taking a hard look at yourself.
You don’t put any effort into your dating profile
Your dating profile consists of three selfies (two of them clearly taken five seconds apart, the third on the bathroom mirror), and a bio that reads: “message me if you’d like to get to know me better.”
There’s nothing more to go with. No interests, no hobbies, nothing I can look and think, “that’s cool, me too.”
Chances are your empty dating profile isn’t producing a lot of great matches — if it’s producing any matches at all.
You’re not getting many dates out of it, and the few dates you do get are boring and uninspired.
The fix: take some new photos and fill out your bio.
If all there’s on your bio is some version of “message me to get to know me better,” you bet your ass I’m swipping left — and so are many other women.
If your face is covered by sunglasses, or I can’t tell who you are in a group of picture, that’s another immediate nope.
To get more dates, make sure people can see your face in pictures (not just selfies), and fill out your bio with relevant information: your profession, a few interests and hobbies, and a little bit of your lifestyle.
The reaction you want to obtain is, “cool, me too.”
“He likes Star Wars. Cool, me too.”
“He listens to Linkin Park. Cool, me too.”
And so on.
That’s the stuff that gets you matches, it gives you something to talk to your matches about, and it definitely gets you better dates.
You don’t bother to get ready for a date
I haven’t dated anyone who was actually dirty. The worst I’ve seen was a terrible sense of style, and men who would be better served by a plain black t-shirt wearing clothes that had been rescued from their high school closets.
But I’ve seen many women reporting on lack of male hygiene on dates, and that stuff just turns women off.
Women report seeing men show up to a date looking “as if they did little more than pause their video game, rinse their mouth out with room-temperature Gatorade, and walk out the door.” And having “jarring memories of men showing up to go on dates with me looking like they thought they were on their way to help a friend move.” — Shani Silver
That’s not the image you want to present on a date, whether it’s your first, second, or 100th date with a woman, she wants to see you’ve made an effort to clean yourself up and look nice.
The fix: take a shower and put on some clean clothes.
You don’t have to wear expensive clothes, or put on a suit. You don’t have to do more than take a shower, comb your hair, and put on a clean t-shirt. You can’t go wrong with a plain black t-shirt and dark jeans — it’s a cheap look that makes you look effortlessly put-together.
If wearing band t-shirts is your style, ditch the ones from high school and get a few new ones. You need shirts that look fresh. Women will appreciate getting to know your real style instead of seeing you put on clothes that have nothing to do with you on the first date only to be disappointed when they see the real you two months into dating.
Women who are into bands will like your band t-shirts — as long as the shirts look fresh and clean, not as if they haven’t been washed in three months.
You can only talk about One Thing
One guy I went out with could only talk about his Harley, another went on and on about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and nothing else.
I get it, you’re proud of how you take care of your Harley. You got some new accessories on Amazon and you got it looking pretty cool. You have even learned how to fix the engine yourself, that’s very handy of you.
Yes, sports are awesome. You’re a black belt, that takes dedication and training. Good for you for mastering that move you always thought was so difficult. You finally beat the toughest guy at your gym, I’m officially impressed.
Now say something else. Anything.
Look, it’s great that you have a hobby, but I don’t want to talk about the same subject for an hour and a half. No woman ever does.
It makes me wonder if that’s how having a relationship with you will look like: me hearing you go on and on about The One Thing you seem able to actually talk about and nothing else.
It makes me (and many women) too bored to even consider a second date.
The fix: broaden your repertoire of subjects and ask questions.
Read a book, and talk about it on your date. Make it a habit to listen to podcast interviews on a variety of subjects, so you’ll always have a fun fact to share with your date. Podcasts are easy because you can listen in the car, at the gym, while walking your dog or cleaning the house.
Before the date, brush up on the news. See if there’s anything going on you might talk about. Don’t dive into heavy subjects right from the beginning, but it always helps to have a general idea of what’s going on in the world.
Besides finding new things to talk about, remember to ask your date questions. Not only what she does for a living, but what are her interests and hobbies, and fun questions such as what would be her dream vacation, or what would she do if she won the lottery jackpot.
Work on your conversation skills to make your date relax, have fun, and see what an interesting person you are.
You’re needy
While I’m mostly ok with being single, it definitely has its ups and downs.
Some days, I love my life and wouldn’t change a thing. Some days, I absolutely hate being alone and would like to grab the first man I see on the corner to be mine and mine alone.
You don’t have to love being single, but if you let you hatred of it make you needy, you’re going to have a few problems along the way.
When you’re needy, you text too much, you unload too much emotional baggage too soon, you act clingy and insecure — all behaviors that push women away.
The fix: learn to love yourself first.
Neediness always manifests itself. There’s no use in trying to hide it, it eventually pops up — and it’s never pretty.
You have to actually solve neediness, and you can do so by learning to love yourself, and be ok with your own company before you seek the company of others.
As humans, we all crave companionship, but no woman is up for being your emotional support person 24/7. Let he in into your inner emotional life, but be gradual about it, and if you have deeper issues you need to work on, please go see a therapist.
A small amount of effort will radically change your dating life
I know a small amount of effort radically changed my dating life, especially in regards to online dating.
I also see this trend on the men I tend to match with: they’re not underwear catalog models, they’re not millionaires, and some don’t eve have their whole life figured out, but they try.
They make an effort to keep themselves clean and smelling nice, they make an effort to engage me in interesting conversation, and they work on their emotional issues.
That’s about all you have to do to get yourself a date.
