Why Therapy Feels Worse Before it Feels Better
And why that’s a good thing.
Assessing your life and seeing yourself clearly — imperfections, past trauma, and deepest fears —is one of the most painful things you can do. Unfortunately, the rawness of feeling prevents many people from pushing through therapy before they’ve reached a satisfying conclusion.
But an ongoing therapeutic relationship is like any other area of life in which input equals output. It’s like training for a marathon, learning to rock climb, or studying for a difficult degree. The hardest moments reward you the most. Growth springs out of pain and clarity out of confusion.
As Florence and the Machine wisely lyricize, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
I’ve been in a dedicated, ongoing therapy engagement for nearly two years. There were many, many points when I felt like quitting. I’ve reached deep down into my childhood and teenage years, feeling things fresh that I had buried. I had new revelations about old abuse and neglect. At times it was overwhelming seeing myself so clearly in that mirror.
Some days I felt encoded levels of shame, fear, and anger rush over me like a massive wave. The vastness and depth of those emotions brought about by therapy took me out of my daily life. I had to say “no” to plans and…
