Different Writing Voices

Mark Starlin
Mar 15, 2018 · 2 min read

I frequently see articles about “finding your voice as a writer.” Essentially, the advice is: Be unique. Be yourself.

Apparently many writers are still looking for their own unique voice. And in the meantime, they are using more common voices. Here are some examples:

The Regular Speaking Voice

“I’m going to get milk.”

The Overly Descriptive Pretentious Voice

“I believe I shall venture into the deep-hued darkness of the evening on a trek in my oversized motorized vehicle in search of that enticing white liquid which I frequently pour liberally over wheat flakes in the early hours of the morn’ before the sun has fully shaken its slumber.”

The Inspirational Voice

“Start your day by drinking milk. It is a small pleasure that prepares you to be a pleasure to others.”

The Promotional Voice

“I often drink milk. In fact, I need some now. Milk is great. If you enjoy milk, you will enjoy my milk blog. The web address is…”

The Motivational Voice

“Drink that milk. Go get more. Drink that milk. Go get more.”

The Scholarly Voice

‘Milk is a product of the mammary glands of mammals. It is a white liquid that provides nourishment to infant mammals before they can digest solid foods. My supply of milk has expired.”

The Cynical Voice

“They say milk is good for you. My brother drank milk. He died.”

The Slightly Paranoid Voice

“Milk is a plot by The Man to keep cows in captivity.”

The Funny Voice

“I just blew some milk out of my nose.”

The Peer Pressure Voice

“Here is why I am buying milk and why you should too.”

The Authoritative Voice

“As the director of milk studies in Wisconsin for over twenty years, I have easily consumed five semi-truck tankerfulls of the liquid. So believe me when I say milk tastes good.”

The Sarcastic Voice

“Yeah, that milk mustache looks good. And so do those shoes.”

The Empowering Voice

“Milk? Who says you need milk? You don’t need milk. You are better than that. Milk doesn’t rule you. You rule milk.”

The Poetic Voice

“Drink of the morning,

precious white liquid,

my need of you is dire,

I seek you relentlessly”

The Life-Hack Voice

“Here’s what I learned by drinking 4 gallons of milk in one sitting.”

The Listical Voice

“Here are 47 reasons why you should go get milk.”

Have you found your unique writing voice? Got milk?

[And now that I’ve offended almost everyone, I’m leaving. I need to go get some milk.]

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