3 Live Email Marketing Copy Critiques
+3 Lessons You Can Instantly Use in Your Next Email
We’ve talked a lot about the bird’s eye view of email marketing fundamentals before.
In this guide I want to give you an up close look at some specific emails.
You’ll look at 3 emails from my own inbox, and we’ll do a copy critique of each one.
By watching a critique of other’s emails, my goal is for you to be able to take away 3 key lessons that you can immediately turn around and apply to your next email!
Now, let’s dive into the email marketing examples.
Subject: The Most Wonderful Blend of the Year
About the only thing I like about this email is the fact that it’s stylish.
The branding of the roaster is something I like, and the style of photography.
It’s a very well designed email, but since I really like specialty coffee that shouldn’t be the only thing I have to say about it.
But this email could use a lot of improvement.
I mean, it’s barely an email!
The experience of this email for me was more like a Facebook ad. It felt more like the purpose of this was to send me a picture, than to actually tell me anything.
And for something whose only purpose was to show a picture, I think the photo could use a lot of improvement.
I do like the style of photography, but when I first read this email I actually missed the coffee.
The photo reads much more like a picture of a notebook than it does of a coffee.
I think a cup of coffee could have been added to the left of the notebook if you wanted to stick with this exact arrangement. Then you would have the bag of coffee (which is a good reason to flash the packaging, always a positive) and a cup of coffee flanking the notebook.
That way it would probably be more obvious that it’s a picture of coffee…
As someone who actually enjoys specialty coffee, I think this email could also try actually taking the time to explain how it tastes.
The blurb needs to be expanded to give more clear tasting notes and a description.
Something more along the lines of “This blend of beans from Honduras, Ethiopia, and Kenya is the most wonderful cup you’ll drink this year.
We decided to blend these 3 beans together because [BLANK].
The Honduras beans were sourced from [BLANK — REGION]. The [WHATEVER BS ABOUT SOIL OR CLIMATE] makes these beans taste like [TASTING NOTES].
The Ethiopian come from [BLANK — REGION]. [WHATEVER BS ABOUT THAT REGION] gives these beans a [WHATEVER FLAVOR] and [A WHATEVER BODY].
Finally, the Kenyan beans bring [WHATEVER FLAVOR] to round out this blend. These beans from [WHATEVER REGION] bring [FLAVOR 1 AND FLAVOR TO] that is much needed.
You’ll certainly be jolly when you fill your mug with this delicious, full-bodied coffee.
[BUY NOW CALL TO ACTION BUTTON W/ PHOTO THAT ACTUALLY HAS A CUP OF COFFEE IN IT.]”
Overall this is a very good looking email, but it lacks any substance. As someone who actually likes specialty coffee, I have no idea what this bag of coffee would even taste like.
Verve could bring more value by adding details like “Favorite brewing methods” and talking about how it performed with different brewing methods when they were doing the cupping of this coffee (something us coffee nerds say when we mean trying it out).
Adding more details with actual words would help me better picture how this coffee would fit into my life.
Also, the call to action about the holiday guide at the bottom? Ditch it.
It’s thrown in with very little context. (See the 3rd reason you annoy your customers.)
This email is really about selling the coffee blend, so focus on selling the coffee blend. That “Holiday gift guide” would be more effective as a banner ad on the actual listing page of the e-store, than as a poorly placed effectively-a-banner-ad in this email.
Subject: Start your Thanksgiving with us!
What’s great about this email is it’s clear to me that the owner of the business is the one writing these. Her personality really shines through in the voice!
I also like that they include “active” pictures of their jams.
By active, I mean not only are they showing the jam in a jar but they’ll often include it on food or in use. That’s really effective and getting me to picture how I can incorporate these jams into recipes.
What I think could be improved is the storytelling around the product.
First off, this email has multiple calls to action: one about trying a specific flavor of jam, and a second about buying gift sets.
These 2 calls to action should have been sent as 2 separate emails, each with their own story. (Check out reason #3 you’re annoying your customers.)
As it is, the email is unfocused on what my next steps should be.
Should I think about the jam? Or think about buying gifts? Or think about going to see them at one of these markets?
I think this email should have focused only on telling a story about the Cranberry Whiskey + Clove jam.
So remove the bottom half completely.
Instead, I think you could keep the opener of “Seriously, who likes can shaped cranberry sauce?”. That was an attention grabbing hook.
When you get to the sentence that introduces the flavor of the jam, it could have been cool to work the packaging of the actual jam into the shot of the drink.
And then instead of continuing onto the 2nd topic of the gift sets, how to actually use the jam could have been elaborated on.
In the same tone you could have introduced “a cocktail to make family conversations a little easier” and a recipe for making that mulled cider.
And then continued on to other recipes or potentially linked out to a blog post that details the other recipes.
The top of that blog post could have been the link to buy the jam from their online store.
If you went the route of having a longer email with more information on-platform (rather than a shorter email that links out to a longer form media) you could just link to where to buy the jam as the main CTA.
Or you can take a hybrid approach where you have a call to action to the blog post and then include the link to actually buy the jam somewhere else.
That hybrid approach would still be an improvement over the current control because it’s still focused on 1 objective: getting you to buy the specific flavor of jam.
And then the gift trio could be parsed out as a separate email with its own story.
I also think the call to action for the jam trio could be streamlined.
It should be more comprehensive of all the places you can get the jam trio. Reading what’s written, it seems to me like the only place to get it is in person at the farmers markets.
When really you can buy it in person at their store, buy it online, or buy it at farmers markets like:
<Their farmers market schedule>
The owner has a great personality so a story to wrap around that would be really easy. Even just saying something about an easy gift for people who wait until the last minute and a reason why she created these trios would be great for that purpose. (This is something the section on the Cranberry Whiskey + Clove flavor did well. Explaining the inventor’s reasons for creating the new thing. Try experimenting with explaining your own reasons behind making your products. It makes for some interesting copy, and it also plays into the reason respecting tendency we went over in our advertising psychology guide.)
Overall, a good email that could become a great email that sells with more detail about the stories behind the products. Because they are interesting stories.
Subject: Black Friday early access invitation.
What’s great about this email is that it’s clear that the writer has a real passion for magic.
I think some of his little anecdotes peppered in like having shot one of the DVDs being offered as an upgrade are compelling and add value to what I’m reading.
I also think he’s created a great voice for communicating.
The best copywriters write like they’re speaking to you.
Not by burying their message in “professional speak” and jargon. (Avoiding #4.)
Most of the bonuses also have great descriptions that give you a clear image of what the trick looks like, so you can imagine yourself working that into your routines.
When you make it easy for people to understand how your product can fit into what they’re already doing, you make it easier for them to buy.
This concept also goes back to the Urban Canning Company email with the photos of the jam in a cocktail. You’re making it easier for people to literally picture in their mind your thing in their lives.
What I think could be improved is the overall density of the information and how it’s presented.
I mean WOW, just look at that email!
I have nothing against long emails, but what I find objectionable about this email is really just the amount of links.
Like it’s just reminding me that to even fully comprehend this sale I’ll have to visit all 20 of these pages!
The numbered list also makes the information feel intimidating, and the offer difficult to understand. (Re: #2.)
Finally, I find the first link to be a wasted opportunity. It goes out to here, which is just a blog post copy of the same information in the email. Are you SURE that you want to use the most likely click of the whole thing for that???
So…
With that being said, I think the best presentation of this email would be as a launch sequence of emails leading up to Black Friday instead of alllllll of this information being crammed into this email.
First, ditch the numbered list.
That organization actually makes this feel more confusing to read, not more clear…
So I think “Black Friday early access invitation” could have been sent around November 10th.
This email would instead be a preview email of all of the individual bonuses that Penguin Magic is planning to offer for Black Friday.
The intro would lead in For 15 years, we’ve been trying to outdo ourselves every year and this time we may have gone too far.
There are literally so many deals I can’t remember them all without a crib sheet… I may need to email you again later with everything I forgot to mention here :)” because that would be the perfect setup for future emails.
Then you can go “Most importantly, we’ll have FREE SHIPPING TO USA ON ALL ORDERS, NO MINIMUM…”
Then you introduce “We’re also giving away $1,000 in free magic, we’re discounting thousands of products by 25% and we’ve hidden deals around the site too..”
At this point you would introduce “There is too much detail to go into right now, so I’m going to be sending you more information about each of the bonuses over the next couple of weeks leading up to black Friday. But I wanted to give you a little sneak peek of what’s in store for you:”
Instead of a bulleted list you could make the orders over $ get X information a text subheader. Then you would include the little tidbit of information as text under that subheader.
See?
It’s not the fact that this is a long email that I have a problem with.
It’s the fact that the calls to action are too unfocused. It’s not clear what my BEST next step should be, because they’re so many of them.
For the rest of the days leading up to Black Friday, you would create an individual email PER BONUS with more information about it, 1 out of these 89 links in the email so you can see more information, and just other stories that the author has about the industry figures.
Overall it’s a solid email that I’m sure will make some sales, but you could be opening the floodgates to your store ON Black Friday-day if you planned your communication more carefully as a launch instead of overloading all this information into 1 email.
The 3 Key Takeaways for Your Email Marketing
I wanted to focus on giving you some practical takeaways this holiday week.
Let’s review the major lessons from what you just learned so you can turn around and apply them to your own business!
#1 — Keep Your Emails Focused
Don’t have too many calls to action. When someone reads your email it should be immediately clear what the next thing you’re asking them to do is.
If you have 3 calls to action, or 89 links (which are still calls to action) then I don’t know what you want me to do.
And I’m not going to decide.
You have to decide before you ever hit “Send”.
You overwhelm your readers when you give them too many options.
When you give them too many options, they will pick none.
#2 — Substance Over Style
Look, I know some of us are really design inclined.
And it IS nice when things look slick…
But you’re writing an email, people.
This isn’t Instagram.
This isn’t a billboard, or a banner ad.
Keep in mind the context of what your readers are expecting from the context of their inbox.
#3 — Actually Tell Readers Your Story
It can be hard, even intimidating to figure out what to write in your emails.
A great way to overcome that is to literally write on the page “I decided to create this product because…”
You don’t have to use this in your real copy.
But answering that statement, even if the story is as simple as another client you’re working with asked for this service because they were struggling with hitting their revenue goals — it’s still a story.
You can delete the literal words “I decided to create X because” from your message, and you can stretch and add to what you wrote and morph it into your story.
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