How Not to Parent, By a Non-Parent.
The idea of having children is one that comes opposed to by many who don’t feel as prepared to bear a level of responsibility that is as frightening as it is rewarding. It’s understandable — you should set a focus on your career and attaining some sort of stability to support something as big as a child. However, at what point do we, as a collective moral society, draw the line between supporting your child and your child supporting you?
Myka Stauffer is a YouTube personality, popular mostly with young adult women transitioning into parenthood. Her content is very bright and informational: everything from home decor, to weight loss tips, all centered around her primary moneymakers, her children.
Did that last sentence rub you the wrong way? It did for me.
You see, Myka’s channel, which has existed since 2014, has grown through the exposure of her daily family life, primarily that of her children. Expecting and current mothers likely looked up to her to give her children a dedicated selfless upbringing, surrounded by a big and happy family. That is, until Huxley.
Huxley Stauffer was the name given to a young boy that Myka had adopted from China 3 years ago, and he had been a feature of many of her videos. In fact, Huxley was responsible for a boom in Myka’s channel, nearly doubling the people tuning into her content throughout the course of a year (October 2017–2018). However, great rises came with greater devastations. Stauffer revealed to her fans through a self-written blog that Huxley had had a stroke in utero. This would lead to several disorders in his sensory and mental development, and in addition to a diagnosis of autism, Huxley was likely not the YouTube-ideal baby that Stauffer had hoped for, but for a time she showed her care and affection for her child. Despite everything holding Huxley backward, Myka seemed to push her child in the right direction.
But she also had to push her channel.
In the early months of 2020, Myka’s posts (some of which have been taken down) gave off a weird vibe to people. It was noticed that Huxley was not a part of many of these images, and people reaching out to Myka about her child were met in a dismissive fashion. The hashtag #whereishuxley circulated for a short period, and was met with a pity-driving message from Myka on her Instagram. The ability to comment on most of her posts was taken away. The cracks were beginning to show.
And then, on May 26th of this year, Myka and her husband posted a video (which has since been privatized) together, explaining to her fanbase that they had essentially given up Huxley to another family. In it, they cited the words of medical professionals and their own fruitless attempts to intervene and introduce therapy to the situation as the leading factors to their decision. They appeared regretful, solemn — not the usual energy her videos would exude.
The internet felt otherwise.
It was not Myka’s social media presence that riled up the hailstorm of criticism directed at her for her decision, but rather, the lack thereof. Her prolonged silence on this topic worried fans that used her as inspiration, and her response video felt inadequate to many, almost like Stauffer’s fans had been taken for a 3 year ride that didn’t even end in a crash. The ride simply disappeared. This is not to say that she was entirely despised for her actions- people sent positive comments, lauding her for being brave enough to post her story. But people who witnessed Stauffer’s channel grow saw changes that were more expensive than Huxley’s adoption.
Due to the revenue Stauffer had been receiving from her YouTube videos, fans accused Stauffer of exploiting her child as an attempt to garner more views and subscribers. Myka had been seen wearing pieces in her videos that came off a little less than frugal, and issues of luxurious monetary spending came up every now and then- her little sprinkle of privilege.
But no longer.
Her follower count reduced drastically, losing around 11,000 in the last week of May. Brands that once supported Myka removed their sponsorships immediately. The house of cards had finally fallen.
As a non-parent, it feels odd of me to butt into spaces that I’m not entirely familiar with. As a person who loves and cares for others, this really hurt me. One would imagine that having already had three children would give someone the ability to overcome any child rearing obstacle in their way. It feels a little trust breaking, fans aside, to the bond that child and parent created with such a separation. But my opinion is moot. What rings out for me is the lack of immediacy in sending out such a message. I understand that someone might need time to process a decision as big in gravitas as Myka’s, but it does not excuse the many wasted posts keeping audiences in the dark about a child. A literal child. For a parent-related Instagram, a child is not something fans should be worrying about.
Sometimes public relations is like a fire. It burns and sometimes it burns harder than others, but you have to tend to it. If you maintain it and watch it, it keeps you warm and safe. However, if you don’t keep it under control, it’s absolutely going to burn you back.
