5 Things I learnt from “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie — Book Review Series
Well, things do slow down on my side because I am attending events and workshops to further develop myself and my skills. Continuing from the previous book review “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill, we will be doing another book review for “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain
When I come across this as I read the book, I found out that this is extremely important. If we constantly criticize, condemn or complain about others all the time, we did not do anything for their personal growth. Furthermore, if those rumours we create actually go to them, it can be really damaging to them in terms of their sense of dignity.
When a person’s dignity is hurt, he/she will become more defensive and starts fighting back by arguing. Even if the complaint was for him/her to change to become a better person, he/she will not take the initiative to change because he/she needs to recover that dignity they just lost from the same complaint. As a result, relationships and friendships are broken and nobody actually gained anything from it.
Instead of always finding their faults and make complaints or condemns about it, we can always do things in a better manner without hurting someone else’s dignity. First of all, we must understand that everyone makes mistakes. What we perceive something as wrong may be correct to others as well. The clarity between the two parties’ point of view must be prioritized before asking one or the other to change their points of view. If it is clear that one of the parties is at fault, never condemn them as they probably did not know yet.
Note: The correction towards the fault must be made easy for them to correct by providing the right solution. With that, they are more willing to listen to you and change according to your way. You also provide them with a chance to grow and become their greatest version.
2. Always Take Other People’s Interests To Consideration
The sense of importance is one of the greatest gratifications that people yearn for all the time, especially to those they perceived as important to them. During a conversation, it is important to know who is in control of the conversation and ensure you always show the other party that they are important all the time. This helps them increase their confidence, and they will show us more respect during the conversation.
To achieve this, one must always be genuinely interested in what the other person is talking about, especially regarding the topics that the other person is very interested in. Interesting topics can be something they are very good at or their favourite past times. We should listen to them attentively and only respond when required or if they ask for our opinions or suggestions.
Asking questions about the topics they are engaged in can further build better relationships and create quality conversations with the other person because it shows that you actually listen to them and interested to know more.
Note: Always remember that questions lead to more things to be discussed or shared, and makes the conversation even more interesting!
3. Quickly Admit Your Mistakes
Admitting your mistakes is one of the ways to repair any relationships and resolves any conflicts quickly.
How does this help? First of all, admitting your mistakes restores the trust and respect of the other party that was lost during an argument. At work, other people will respect you more for being honest and courageous to admit your mistakes.
Secondly, the book also explains something more fascinating to me about the power of apology. It explains that apologizing also boosts the other party’s self-esteem. This happened when the other party actually was given a chance to show mercy, indirectly stating that they have more authority in the conversation. The feeling of “being the one in control” is also one of the feelings that humans want because it makes them feel secure and important.
Regardless of whether apologizing actually helps with the other person’s self-esteem, we should still apologize when we know we are in the wrong. The main purpose of apologizing is to prevent further unnecessary conflicts and restore relationships.
4. You Technically Cannot Win An Argument.
This point may be thought-provoking to some of you, including me. However, once I started to understand the book, I realized that what is explained there totally makes sense.
The purpose of an argument and debate should be to reach a mutual agreement and understanding with each other, besides, allowing each other to grow and improve. Whatever we think we know and understand about the world is limited to our own perceptions, intuitions and our own belief systems.
As no two people sees the world the same way, all trips from here to there are imaginary; all truth is a tale I am telling myself! — Brion Gysin
Sadly, most arguments made are actually destructive instead of constructive. Many people let their ego get into their thinking and always tells the other party that they are right, without giving the other party a chance to speak up. When a person is being scolded, he/she will become very defensive and will fight back to protect their own dignity that they just lost.
Nobody wins in a destructive argument. In the book, it stated that “If you win an argument, you lose. If you lose an argument, you also lose.” What does this actually mean? Referring to the purpose of arguing, destructive arguments do not help anybody at all. For the one that wins the argument, the only thing he/she gets is the satisfaction of winning but he/she never grows because he/she did not learn anything new. On the other hand, the one that lost the argument will take more damage from this argument emotionally. Usually, most of us will expect the loser of the argument to change, but this book explains that it does not happen in most cases in reality.
“A man convinced against his own will is of the same opinion still.” — “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Due to ego or the sense of pride, the loser of the argument will not change their opinions. Hence, they do not grow or learn something new from the argument as well.
In most cases, arguments should be avoided as best as possible. Otherwise, both parties must carefully listen to each other and understand their perspectives professionally, no matter how “wrong” it feels. Remember to show respect at all times and save each other’s faces when resolving an argument, so everyone is always open and ready to change and grow.
5. Nobody Likes To Take Orders
Everyone wants to live for themselves and spend their time doing things that they like. Controlling others or forcing them to do things the way you want it to be will only lead to them rebelling against you.
Let’s imagine this for a moment. Assuming in a day, you are asked to do everything other people asks you to do. How would you feel about that? Most probably, you felt you lived for others. There is no time for yourself to settle down because you are busy fulfilling all the tasks that other people asked you to do. That alone is very tiring and it makes life meaningless to yourself.
Humans are created to be self-serving creatures, where we only do things that will benefit ourselves. Hence, whenever you want to ask others for a favour, start with showing respect to them especially their time spent just to help you. Give them a chance to explain themselves because they may have something important to do as well. You will never know that you may get more than what you asked for if you are being polite and respectful to others at all times.
Conclusion
Reaching the end of this publication, these are the 5 things I have learnt from this book: “How To Win Friends And Influence People?” by Dale Carnegie. Feel free to share what you have learnt from the book as well so other people have the chance to learn as well.
Before you go, please do not forget to check out my other publications at
Facebook -> https://www.facebook.com/MarketSolversIsAwesome
YouTube -> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgd41HgCVaMaLdvTSfRvwDA?sub_confirmation=1
Spotify -> https://open.spotify.com/show/2hLPUkmed4fMBVsrsJ3Fhe
More awesome tools -> https://www.themarketsolvers.com/softwaretools
If you have any questions, you can leave a reply below this blog or email me at support@marketsolvers.zohodesk.com. I will gladly answer your questions whenever I am free to help you guys in your journey.
Till then, take care!
