How Important Is Sex to You in a Relationship?
The answer I got was shocking
I recently started to chat with this very handsome guy on Tinder. Cheesy smile, kind, polite, good values… a gentleman.
We were both comfortable talking about all sorts of things from day one. Due to his work, we couldn’t meet up and have a proper date but, our conversations were so good that it wasn’t even bothering me the waiting.
And I’m more like a face to face kind of a person.
Well, I don’t quite know why but, the other day, we were talking, and it felt like it was the right time to cover a few interesting topics.
So, out of the blue, I asked him: how important is sex to you in a relationship, from 1 to 10, and why. Boom!
Maybe, it was too soon to ask such a thing to a person I haven’t even met yet. But both of us were there for the same reasons.
We were looking for commitment instead of the one-night stand experience that makes Tinder so famous for.
His answer wasn’t what I was expecting.
I don’t know how — maybe it’s just a feeling — even though it’s happening a lot these days and not only with me. I feel like, as women are finally taking control over their sexuality, accepting and respecting their needs as sexual beings, which we all are, the men are a bit in an awkward journey.
More and more men that I’ve met or know about don’t consider sex as relevant and meaningful as it is to me.
I’ve been enjoying my beautiful single life for the past three years. And during those years, through experimenting, having sex with different men and discovering my body and my own needs, I just can’t understand.
I know couples who have been together for many years, and don’t have sex anymore or as often. And I’m not talking about my grandparents. I’m talking about young couples in their mid-20s.
It must be hard to keep the fire burning after years living together and going through all troubles of life.
I do understand that sex is the first thing couples give up when their relationship is no longer working as before.
But seriously, how can you give a miserable “6” to sex and say it’s not the most important thing? See, he started comparing sex with something else, only to build up his theory.
I didn’t make any comparisons because, to be honest, you just can’t.
All I wanted was a little early taste of what our sexual life would eventually be if we decided to make it work.
I know it doesn’t sound totally right, and maybe it was a bit too early to come to such conclusions. But as Marta Brzosko said in her beautiful article about personal growth, the more I get to know myself, my needs, my thoughts, my desires… the harder it gets to find someone. And I have no time to waste.
These past three years have been intense. I’ve challenged myself. I decided to get out of my comfort zone and take notes about how I behave and feel in different situations.
I got to know myself completely. I’m more confident with my body, and I know what my values are, and more importantly, I know what I’m looking for in a partner.
People often tell me that nobody is perfect, and when you are in love, you don’t really take into consideration a lot of things. And that being “so selective” is wrong, you have to let go of a few things if you still want a man in your life. They say.
Well, I don’t want to let it go. I’ve worked so hard to finally find who I truly am, what I like and want, to have to “adjust” to somebody else.
Mostly because a lot of the people in this world don’t have a clue about themselves.
I will not give up on her, on this new me. And If my answer is 9, then that’s it. I will not accept any less.
A few years ago, I was in a long relationship, and sex wasn’t important to me. That’s because I didn’t know myself back then. That’s because I was happy with whatever, crumbles, I didn’t know anything better.
I would love to meet more men who know themselves, too. Perhaps, I’m a troubled woman, or I’m from another planet waiting for the aliens to come and rescue me (that’s what I used to say to my parents when I was a kid!), but it just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Societal stigmas? Maybe? I mean, sex and pleasure were fundamental for our Roman ancestors, it was like food to them. Their houses were designed to please. They had at heart their sexual needs. A few centuries have passed, and history is always changing, but I can’t help myself but wonder, where are we now exactly?
Nobody wants a platonic love. Nobody wants a sexless relationship, or a 6. I certainly don’t. Come on, why can’t we just accept that we are human beings? Why can’t we prioritize what makes us feel so damn good?
I’m sorry but, either I’m living in the wrong time, or I haven’t yet found the right man or I’m a really, really troubled woman. And to be honest, I have no idea how to finish this article. Maybe I’m just mad and confused, and mad.
But, I hope I made you think and ask yourselves a few questions. Important questions, because it is important.
As for you, woman, please never accept a 6!
