Marriage, My Mixed Emotions
Marriage, what is the actual definition of the word? The dictionary says that “It is the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”. The word marriage and everything that goes along with it just means so much more to me then that. The thought of marriage makes me want to SMILE and CRINGE at the same time. I was very young when I decided to get married. I just turned 21 and we were about to have my son. We got married and then had him a month later. By the time I turned 25 we had separated and got a divorce. With everything that I have witnessed from my personal experiences and also from people that are extremely close and some not so close to me, I have gained a ton of knowledge that I feel the need to share.
What makes me want to SMILE when I think of marriage is the journey that it takes to get there. When you are single and looking for someone to date you are on your complete “A Game”. Whenever you are seen out in public, at the store, at the bar for happy hour or on the weekend, or even at Starbucks there isn’t a hair out of place. The gym becomes your home away from home. You are making sure you smell good, look good, and your feeling good. Your goal is to get noticed by someone and hopefully that someone is your type. When you meet that someone and you guys hit it off, to me this is the BEST TIME. That first couple of weeks is a feel out period that can become completely amazing.
The texting back and forth, the dates, the staying in and watching movies. All of these moments can actually be magical if you let them. Weeks turn into months, months turn into years. Friends, family members, and parents are introduced. Holidays and vacations are spent together. You and I are no longer, and it becomes we or us. The moment when you least expect it happens and the question is popped. Six months to a year later you exchange vows and then you begin to share last names. Bank accounts are opened jointly and some may feel the business side of the marriage starts. A house may be purchased, a Will or Trust should be established, and insurance is placed on yourselves and your property. Everything up to this point (in most cases) has been wonderful.
Now from this point on is what makes me want to CRINGE. Things start to change, and we don’t truly pay attention to it. Reality steps in and life starts to happen. Children may be conceived, jobs may be lost, weight may be gained but at this point life happens. In some cases, disrespect starts to rear its ugly head. A lot of times our significant other and our situation will be taken for granted. This is something that may or may not be done on purpose, but it happens. We tend to get so caught up in our daily lives that we may actually forget who we are and why we are one. When the attention is lacking, we start to act in a way that is not our norm. When the signs and communications are ignored is when that bond or that closed door of a marriage starts to open slightly.
What I mean by open slightly is when the person that is seeking that attention or how things use to be start to notice the outside. Which leads to exploring (in that person’s eyes) greener grass. Things start to change, normal habits start to switch which leads to red flags being noticed by your significant other. If the red flags are found out to be true it can lead to separation and even divorce. In today’s world we are so quick to give up on something that took us years to build. We all must realize that when you first get together and started dating, throughout the whole relationship and even throughout the whole marriage we get older and we change. Our likes and dislikes, our turn on and turn offs and what motivates us all change.
If your marriage to you is worth saving and that love you have for your partner is still there, you need to take a minute and think or ask yourself a few things
-How well do I know my partner at this stage of our relationship?
-What is that persons all-time favorite thing that puts a smile on their face when they see it?
-What actually turns them on and off now?
-Am I truly paying enough attention to them?
-If something is very important to your significant other, maybe compromising and going with it for a change might spark what’s been missing.
I have always thought this is key and said people should try and live by this. To keep that marriage door from slightly opening, you should act like husband and wife when it comes to bills, raising your family and keeping the home together…and act like your significant others side piece in the bed room. Because if you don’t someone else will!
