Marvel Retold: X-Men, Part Eight
Claudine Drake: Samuel, have you seen the copy of Vogue I was reading?
Samuel Drake [not looking up from his newspaper]: Now, Claudine, you know I’m a Cosmo man.
Claudine: My goodness, I’m not accusing you of taking it, f’Heaven’s sake, I’ve just misplaced it!
Samuel: Well, you might try the bottom of the birdcage, then, because that’s the only thing that trash is good for. Pfeh. Filling your head with desires for clothes no one can actually afford. Size negative-1 models with sticks for arms and legs! Where are the magazines for women with REAL proportions?
Claudine: My land, I do love it when you get all high ’n’ mighty!
Samuel [finally putting the paper down]: Oh, do ya now? Well, why’n’t you bring that womanly body over here and —
Bobby [bursting in from outside]: Mom! Dad! I — I used my powers!
Samuel [startled]: Doggone it, son, y’HAVE to start knocking, or you’ll never get a baby brother or sister!
Caudine: Bobby, what are you talking about?
Bobby: Rocky and his gang jumped me ’n’ Judy after we came out of the theater and Rocky was hurting Judy and I had to stop him so I, I, I, I FROZE him!
Samuel [leaping to his feet, grabbing Bobby by the shoulders]: Hell’s BELLS, boy, are you AFFLICTED? What’ve we TOLD you about that? It’s like you’re not even TRYING not to be a mutant!
Claudine: Samuel, please, it’s not his fault!
Samuel [loosening up his grip on Bobby]: … I know.
Claudine: It’s your fault for your crappy genes.
Samuel: What! Lissen, I’m not the one with a cousin who thinks the Earth has t’be flat ’cause otherwise he’d roll off it.
Bobby: Guys
Claudine: No, but you are the one who can’t pass a light switch without touching it three times, saying “Safe safe safe”.
Samuel: Do you WANT the house to burn down?
Bobby: Mom! Dad! NOT HELPING
Claudine: I’m sorry, sweetie, you’re right. Samuel, we have to leave town. You know what these people are like. As soon as they hear about this, they’re going to mob up and come over here!
Samuel: It might already be too late. When did this happen, Bobby?
Bobby: It was just 20 minutes ago… but Dad, can’t you reason with them? You’ve lived here since you were a kid!
Samuel: I have, Bobby, and that’s why I’m telling you reason is outta the question.
[1984, Gerald’s Tap and Grill. Samuel Drake shoots pool with a group of his peers.]
Samuel: Seven ball, corner pocket. [makes the shot, and sinks two other balls with the ricochet]
Nearby patron: … holy hell… what just happened?
Samuel’s competitor: Did you just sink three balls with one shot?
Samuel: Yeah, sweet, huh?
Competitor: Sweet? It’s IMPOSSIBLE.
Samuel: I’m just that good, man.
Patron: I’m with Virgil; that’s not possible. This a trick?
Competitor: You some kinda DEMON?
Samuel: Guys, what… this is simple physics.
Patron [freaking out]: Don’t give us your demon terms, you MONSTER
Bar owner: What’s going on over here, fellas?
Competitor: This man ain’t no man… he’s from HELL!
Patron: He sank three balls with one SHOT
Bar owner: WHAT? What kind of black magic is THIS?
Samuel: Are you people insane?
Competitor: Oh, we’re sane, all right. Sane enough to string you up and send you back to the PIT, you DEVIL!
Samuel [backing slowly away, hands out in front of himself]: Guys, you can’t be serious! It’s just the angles; it happens all the time!
Bar owner: Guys, you corral this HERETIC and I’ll go get the witch harness!
[The bar closes in on Samuel as he desperately looks for a way out]
Samuel [backed into a corner]: Hey! Look! Massé!
[The crowd angrily wheels about, turning its back to Samuel, who quickly takes advantage and escapes]
Samuel [looking into the middle distance]: That day, I almost died doing what I love. I can sleep at night, but still, the dreams come.
Bobby: …
Claudine: … OK. Sweetie, we’ve lost your Dad for a bit, but he’s right. This town is afraid of things that are different. We have to leave. Here.
[She hands Bobby a large backpack]
Bobby: Is this a bug-out bag?
Claudine: Yes. I always knew this day would come, so I put this together for you. We each have one. We’ll head up to your uncle’s place in Montana and lay low for a while. It’ll be okay, I promise.
Bobby: But Mom… your whole life is here.
Claudine: And it will still be here when things cool down, sweetie. Now, help me revive your father.
Bobby [puts down the backpack]: Mom… this isn’t going to ‘cool down’! I’m a MUTANT. That’s never going to change, don’t you get it? This is who I AM, and… and I’m okay with it. Aren’t you?
Claudine: Bobby, do we really need to have this conversation right now? There’s probably an angry mob on its way over here right now, and —
Bobby: Mom. I need you to tell me it’s okay that I’m a mutant.
Claudine: … Bobby…
Bobby: Just say it!
Claudine: Sweetheart, couldn’t you just be gay instead?
Bobby: … well, actually —
[Loud knocks at the door interrupt them]
Voice: SAM! OPEN UP!
TO BE CONTINUED, TRUE BELIEVERS
