Marvel Retold: X-Men, Part Five
[Xavier and Scott pull up outside the research lab]
Scott Summers: Professor, you go ahead while I find parking.
Professor X: … Scott, if Jack is able to transform his entire body into living diamond, he may become an unstoppable killing machine. I think proper parking is of small concern.
Scott: Professor! We can’t simply abandon our values when they become inconvenient! Just go; I won’t be long!
Prof X: Scott, I’m in a wheelchair. I can’t “just go”.
Scott: Wait a minute, don’t you have one of those disabled placards? We could park in the handicapped space!
Prof X: SCOTT JUST STOP THE CAR
[Inside, Jack is standing before the cyclotron’s control panel, surrounded by the unconscious bodies of lab technicians]
Jack Winters: This’d be a lot easier if I’d’a had the damn kid with me, but hell with ‘im. Worth the hassle to cross it off the ol’ bucket list!
[He presses a button on the panel and a loud humming ensues]
Jack: Now, assuming I correctly calibrated this machine that I’ve never before seen nor studied, I’m ready! Diamonds are forever!
[Jack runs out in front of a projector gun]
Jack: This is my destiny! HIT ME SQUARELY!
[A beam of light bathes Jack in an otherworldly fluorescence.]
Jack: Yes… YES! I can feel my body CHANGING… gettin’ tougher… HARDER! Hahahaha! This is even better than gettin’ t’first base with Betty Houlihan in 7th grade! But less tingly!
[Professor X and Scott burst into the room]
Prof X: We’re too late!
Scott: I got this!
[Scott reaches up and lowers his glasses. Instantly, a crimson beam of light lances out from his eyes, destroying the cyclotron’s control panel, shutting off its energy projection]
Jack: BAHAHAHAHA! You’re too late, feebs! Look at me: I ain’t Jack o’ Diamonds anymore… now you can call me: the Living Diamond!
Scott: Ooh, I like it!
Prof X: Steady on, lad, you’re pitching for the other side now.
Scott: I’m gay?
Jack: I always knew it.
Prof X: Jack, I hope you’ll see reason. It’s not too late to step back from the abyss. Please join me and Scott in our mission to help the mutants of the world learn to use and live with their powers.
Jack [stepping forward menacingly]: I don’t care ‘bout no loser mutants who can’t handle themselves! It’s a dog-laser blast-dog world out there and I’m sittin’ in the catbird seat!
Scott: Jack, no! You can’t mix your metaphors like that!
Jack: Haha! WATCH me! Looks like you chose your side; you gonna try’n stop me?
[Scott looks over at Xavier]
Prof X: … YES YOU ARE
Scott [to Jack]: You bet I am!
Jack: Take your best shot, kid.
[Scott blasts Jack full force. Jack’s diamond form deflects and scatters the beam, damaging various pieces of equipment around the room.]
Prof X: Whoa whoa whoa whoooaaaaa! Nice shootin’, Tex!
Jack: You idiots ain’t no threat t’me at all! My time is NOW! And it starts with takin’ out the guy who stole you from me!
[Jack advances toward Xavier. Xavier puts a hand to his temple, focuses, gets a second nosebleed and a first earbleed.]
Prof X: M-my zebra… gonna mambo down banana patch.
[Xavier passes out]
Jack: Looks like it’s just you ’n’ me, kid. Who’s yer daddy now?
TO BE CONTINUED, TRUE BELIEVERS
