Marvel Retold: X-Men, Part Two
Professor X: Hello, Scott, I’m Charles Xavier. Don’t be afraid, I’m here to help. I know your secret.
Scott Summers: That I cry in front of the mirror sometimes but nothing comes out because my eyes are portals to some kind of laser dimension?
Prof X: … I… didn’t know that. No, Scott, I mean that you’re a mutant.
Scott: What? What does that mean?
Prof X: It means you’re special, Scott. You were born with a gene that gives you abilities beyond those of ordinary humans.
Scott: My Mom always said I was special, but…
[Scott chokes up, a sizzling sound is heard]
Scott: I — I’m sorry, when I think about my Mom, I cry. Both my parents died when I was young, a-and…
[the sizzling sound intensifies]
Prof X: It’s all right, Scott, I completely understand. I am also an orphan.
Scott: Your parents died in a plane crash too?
Prof X: Wh — no, that’s not the only way one becomes… listen, I’m here because I’ve dedicated my life to helping young mutants like you learn to control and live with your abilities.
Scott: How?
Prof X: I’ve built a school —
Scott: Is it accredited?
Prof X: … it’s not that kind —
Scott: Does it have job placement?
Prof X: … yes. Yes, it does.
Scott: How’d you even find me?
Prof X: My mutant gift is the ability to read minds. I located you with Cerebro, a device I use to find mutants. I’ll tell you all about it when —
Scott: Wait, you can read my mind? You know what I’m thinking?
Prof X: Yes, but —
[sizzling]
Prof X: Scott, please stop crying. Just know that I would never use my abilities to intrude on your privacy or… are… are you thinking of Bryce Dallas Howard… naked?
Scott: It soothes me. Hold on, you said you wouldn’t invade my privacy!
Prof X: Your thoughts about Ms. Howard are rather loud.
Scott: [sobbing and crackling like bacon in a pan] I’m sorry! This whole thing is just weird! I don’t know! I have to ask Jack about this!
Prof X: I’m sorry, who’s Jack?
Scott: Jack Winters. He’s my friend! He helps me. He’s out right now, but he’ll be back soon.
Prof X: So he’s your… legal guardian?
Scott: I guess so. He took me in when I needed a place to stay. If you want me to go to this school of yours, you have to ask him if it’s okay.
Prof X: Where is he now?
Scott: He’s out planning our next field trip. We’re going to the Mint!
Prof X: Oh, that’s nice, you’re taking a tour?
Scott: No, we’re going to rob it!
Prof X: … is this some youngster slang I don’t know about?
Scott: Jack’s teaching me how to stick it to The Man!
[Scott begins to bounce about like a puppy]
Scott: Jack’s the best! He told me how the government tracks us by putting tags in the money, how the chemtrails in the sky are making us all drones that buy whatever they tell us, and how to make toilet wine!
Prof X: So he’s been to prison, has he?
Scott: Boy, HAS he! He says it’s made him the man he is today and that I should go too ’cause it’ll toughen me up like him!
Prof X: Scott, you… DO know that prison isn’t… it’s not a GOOD thing, right?
Scott: What do you mean?
Prof X: It’s where we put bad people.
Scott: Explain.
Prof X: Breaking the law isn’t something you’re supposed to do.
Scott: Totally not getting you.
Prof X: I’m afraid, young man, that Jack Winters doesn’t want what’s best for you; he’s just using you for his own selfish purposes.
Scott: Shut up, you’re not my real dad!
Prof X: Yes, I’m aware of that, Scott. Come on, let’s get you out of here.
Scott: No way! If Jack were here, he’d kick your ass!
Prof X: [sighs] Scott, the fact that the first thing you’re thinking of is violence is the surest sign that Jack is leading you astray.
Scott: Don’t talk about my best friend like that, I’m warning you!
Prof X: I’ve temporarily turned off your mutant ability. You’re no threat to me, Scott, now please, we’re leaving for your own good.
Jack Winters: He’s not going anywhere, you government stooge.
TO BE CONTINUED, TRUE BELIEVERS
