dolphin: hope

i can feel neither strength nor pain anymore
my soul is eaten throughout as though by maggots
everything goes down the drain
not the first time it happens
all your earthly words mean nothing
everything is now either lost or sold,
my heart is drenched in blood,
probably even served at dinner
everything that’s left is either
dirt at the bottom of your pockets
or the feeling —
remotely resembling ‘hope’

she hears the steps and them
becoming quieter and quieter
they turned themselves into cranes
again — destined to live above
but she is not ready to wait, and she doesn’t
she has forgiven (?)
she cries
believing a friend
who’s messing up with her hopes
and time flies quietly
meanwhile — innocent lies
try on the knife to the wrist of your left hand.
and hope was there at one time
but in vain —
it drips on the floor being the color of red

you’re all alone, and even if you have a friend,
they will not see all the troubles on the palms of your hands,
they will not become bold for you if you are stuck
and won't say things you wanted to hear
they can only help if something goes wrong
and if your eyes got covered with hopeless darkness
when tears evenly divide your face into three parts
and there is no hope at all

hope is nothing but self-deception,
that is all we have;
you walk around, selling yourself
and this lying creature dusts your eyes
disappearing the moment you need it the most
it will leave and come back many times,
always keeping a treasured diamond at a distance.

one time i was killed without hope,
longing shot through with melancholy,
because i believed in hope
instead of being sure it’d happen