Our cofounder moved across the country to see the eclipse and he will never be the same

“I can’t tell if I’m blacking out or the sun’s being blacked out.”

Fun fact about Allan: he has a Facebook page for himself that’s listed under “Fictional Characters” and a profile that lists himself as CEO of said Fictional Character.

This is our cofounder and CTO Allan Lasser. He’s responsible for Massive’s unique and beautiful design and branding, many of our innovative features like our scientist chat bot, and most of our post illustrations, which range from hilariously playful to beautifully abstract.

Earlier this year, Allan made what was in retrospect an implausibly convenient move to Columbia, Missouri, which put him right in the path of totality for this week’s solar eclipse. He was insufferable on video calls for weeks, talking constantly about his plans to see it, and we mostly ignored him out of jealousy. [ed. note — actually, he graciously invited us to visit him multiple times and we were too busy/lazy to make it happen]

When the day finally came and Allan announced he was going out to see the eclipse, we got over our jealousy and asked him to send some reports from the field from Massive’s Twitter account. If we couldn’t see totality, at the very least we would be able to experience it through his extremely enthusiastic eyes.

It was one of the best decisions we have ever made as a company. Here’s what Allan experienced.

Dispatch 1: Allan introduces himself; a general inability to properly frame a shot is displayed

Like 3/4 of this shot is a cloudy sky, Allan. [ed. note — “I’d like to see you frame a shot while wearing blackout eclipse glasses.”]

Dispatch 2: Allan unnecessarily shows us his sandwich; we notice he is drinking La Croix

Really? Berry? Not Pamplemousse?

Dispatch 3: Allan makes a fascinating observation; a less fascinating one is made

I counted like 4 people, buddy.

Dispatch 4: Allan tries an experiment; it succeeds

Dispatch 5: Allan comments on the light; an observation about his mental state

That’s a unidirectional mic, my friend.

Dispatch 6: Allan states the obvious; we are nonetheless as awestruck as him

Allan Lasser, poet.

Dispatch 7: Allan is forever changed; discussing the event; a truism; an abrupt ending

Please don’t leave us.