The day I stopped chasing worth

Some people seek meaningful lives, while others seek to prove that their lives are worthy

The difference between these two kinds of people is as vast as the distance from one side of a black hole to the other. The former devote themselves to lifting and embracing people, while the latter sacrifice themselves to run away from the fear of being rejected. The former is fulfilling, while the latter is constantly empty.

Conditional acceptance is contagious

A person who has once been rejected by their loved one for some “condition” may then become a chaser of that condition, not only for their entire life but also for the lives of their descendants.

For example, a person who has been insulted as incompetent may, upon becoming a parent, force an expectation of competence onto their children, inscribing into the children’s souls that they will be accepted only when they meet the expectation of being competent. And the children, in turn, become hard on other people in the same regard, and so on.

This phenomenon creates a worth chaser, a person who constantly seeks to prove that they are worthy of some condition, desperately running away from the fear of being rejected.

“Worth” is a handy word to represent such an “acceptance condition.” When the person fails to meet the condition, they feel unworthy, which directly impacts their spiritual vitality.

How to stop

1. Stop fixating on being worthy

“Worth” is a highly judgmental concept, meaning it ties the degree of being good or bad to one’s life and death. A person seeking to be worthy in a context is a highly judgmental person in that context, which means they tend to be hard on themselves and other people in that regard. They are good at judging people and sensitive to being judged.

Fixating on being worthy means you are greedy or gluttonous in retaining or proving it. No one can always be something forever. It defies nature. When you wear a mask of being an embodiment of something, Mother Nature will give you lessons until you can take off your mask. It hurts but leads to true freedom in life. Embrace and be grateful for any experience that helps you remove the mask.

2. Focus on Love

When interacting with people, we can choose to focus on one of the following three things:

• I (yourself)
• Love (action)
• U (other people)

When focusing on the “I,” we will be concerned about how people think about us. When focusing on the “U,” we will set a fixed expectation of how people should respond and will be regretful when they don’t do as expected.

Focusing on “I” and “U” only increases our fixation on worth. On the other hand, if we focus on the action (Love) and remove “I” and “U” from the equation, we are free from being influenced by the self-image that we try to keep and any expectation we unconsciously thirst for from other people.
Keep focusing on doing, and let go of whether the result will make you good or bad.

3. Be assertive about unconditional acceptance of other people

Avoid praising people with judgmental (conditional) language, such as telling them how worthy or good they are at something. Though it may make them feel good, it only tightens the fixation on being worthy for them and yourself.

Keep telling people that you accept them for who they are, or how they are important to you, how they make you happy, without binding them with any expectations.

4. Fluenta longa, ratio brevis (Flow is long, reason is short)

Break free from judgmental language by accepting something regardless of whether it is valid or invalid, good or bad, worthy or not. At first, you may feel distressed and lack motivation in doing or accepting that thing. But as you keep doing it, you will learn through your senses that these things are important for keeping the “flow” running.

When you try to make everything sound and valid, it is like you are constantly exerting force to move the current, and therefore, it will never flow by itself. Only when you stop exerting will things keep going, resolving themselves beautifully.

In the end, the great force that moves nature is not the force of resistance and exertion, but rather acceptance and letting things be.