Confused? Me too.

How to Pronounce Hard Names? A Step by Step Guide.

Hey there, buddy.

How’s it going? Oh, you forgot my name. Not a problem, let me just repeat it for the 20th time — even though we have been working together for the past month.

The first few times, yea I get it. My name is hard. It’s an Indian name. It’s not easy to say it or spell it or remember it. But one thing I’m glad about buddy is that you haven’t given me a nickname yet. Proud of you buddy!

Usually, people like you give me nicknames after the third or fourth time of asking “How do I say your name again?” I won’t lie, sometimes I am tempted and give my white person name to people. It’s easier you know. Not having to deal with YET another asking how to say my name.

Sometimes they even avoid saying my name and jump to my last name. Ms.Sharma. Excuse me, Ms. Sharma.

I stumble when that happens honestly. Because Ms.Sharma is my mother. Don’t make me an aunty in my 20’s bruh.

—

Thanks again buddy, for putting in the effort of trying to say my name in that meeting. Even though you stumbled, and so did all the buddies at the table. Then they looked at me. Didn’t even apologize. All these buddies ask again — “can you say your name again?”

At this point I’m frustrated. Come on. I have been here for a month. And yet none of you try to learn my name. Are you serious? What is this all about? I get it when the barista at Starbucks can’t say or spell my name. But you, buddy. We have each other on Slack. We have talked multiple times through our working relationship. It can’t be that hard.

My name is just a word, right? Even though my name has no meaning in English, it means something in Hindi and Sanskrit. It has depth behind it. My name has my story. It holds my identity together. When you speak with me, you are speaking with my name and it’s origin. My name is unique, it inspires something within people. No seriously. When you say my name, you get these feelings, hopefully, warm feelings of love and care. You feel wonderful hearing my name. It’s like a beautiful melody.

But to tell you the truth. It’s not just my name that inspires people. It’s every single person’s name. No matter their race, religion, gender, cultural background. Their name inspires the people around them. They have an identity that they hold, closely related to their name.

Why would you go around mispronouncing or incorrectly spelling their name, buddy? Why?

There are a few truths behind this why.

The first being, that this is your power move. This is how you show your superiority against me. Your name fits the standard. It’s like any other commoner's name. You are part of the collective, part of society. While I’m shunned out — because my name is different. And you don’t like different. It’s scary, unknown, and uncomfortable to think about “the different.”

The second reason is that you feel it’s an inconvenience to learn my name. It’s hard to learn new things. It’s hard to think beyond what you know. Is it a respect issue? Yes. Is it a lack of exposure to new cultures? Yes. Is it possible you are stupid? Possibly. Buddy, listen, you’re showcasing the classic symptoms of apathy. It’s high time you correct this behavior. Don’t worry I’ll give you tips on it below. Also, if you don’t believe me, check out this Buzzfeed video of your western incompetence.

The third reason you don’t want to learn my name or spell it right is that you don’t care at all. I don’t matter to you. Even though we might work together, you don’t really care. I don’t exist after 5 pm anyway. So who the fuck cares about the new person of color. Even Grammarly or Google doesn’t care to spell my name right when I type it. So who cares? As long as you can say Schwarzenegger or Nikolaj — (which are even harder than my name) — it doesn’t matter. My name doesn’t matter and it never will.

Is it okay that you don’t care? No. Is it okay if I retaliate and say your name wrong John with a silent J so it’s pronounced Hohn? Mmmmm probably not, but I’d love to see if you’d react to that if I said it consistently for a month. [I might try this as an experiment just to see how pissed off my colleagues get — will update you on the next post.]

Look, buddy — my name deserves respect, it’s not an inconvenience, and it matters. Get it through your thick head — because one day I’ll be your boss.

So here is your 10-Step guide to pronouncing my name, buddy:

1. Truly listen when I say my name.
2. Ask for the syllables in my name.
3. Ask for the spelling of my name after our FIRST conversation.
4. Repeat my name back to me when I say it to you.
5. Practice. Practice. Practice.
6. Write my name down.
7. Pay attention to the spelling of my name in your email. Beware of the extra vowels- don’t go adding them in.
8. Pay attention to how you say my name in front of others.
9. Don’t ask people for their nicknames or shorten their names.
10. Greet me every time and say my name. It helps your memory.

That is your warning to get your shit together, buddy.

Get ready to learn some difficult names. Because the Ram Gopal’s, Gurdeep’s, Win Shi’s, Qiang’s, Chenglei’s, Vijeta’s, Ngyuen’s, Xioliang’s, Vidushi’s, Guiying’s, Kartik’s, Shinjni’s— are coming to a workplace near you.

Thanks for reading friend! If you enjoyed this fun letter styled post, share it with your colleagues and friends! If you have any requests for articles or want to vent — email hello@mastersofcrafts.org