What love (and sex) really looks like in the 21st century.

By Jenna Wortham
Illustrations by Wesley Allsbrook, Trenton Duerksen, Lisa Hanawalt, Melody Newcomb, Pat Perry, Jonny Ruzzo, Sam Vanallemeersch, and Roxie Vizcarra

I sent my very first sext at the age of 15. Maybe I was 13. I was up late, talking to strangers in an AOL chatroom, when someone asked me to upload my photo. I can remember hesitating for a few moments, then obliging, my heart galloping along. I arranged myself on the thick carpet in my bedroom, took a photo with my Web cam, and sent it. Why? Why not? I was clothed, but it was definitely meant to be provocative, flirtatious. I couldn’t fathom any repercussions to my behavior, not at that moment, not at that age. And nothing bad happened, not really. People made comments of the variety you’d expect, some nice, some not so nice, and then the conversation trotted along.

Last weekend, my baby niece — who is now 17 — told me that at her high school, trading sexy photos is as common as trading Instagram handles. She doesn’t participate in the exchanges, she says, because these days, everything is forever. She lives in a different era. My photo mostly went away, but hers wouldn’t evaporate so easily.

I’ve long been interested in how technology mediates desire and the way that our phones, an extension of ourselves…