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Masc4Masc

What’s with gay men seeking “masculine only” partners?

John Ersing
Dec 11, 2015 · 8 min read
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Illustration by Kurt McRobert

“I was chatting with some guy on Grindr, late night (as these things go). He didn’t live that far from me so I agreed to meet up with him near his place. As I was getting ready (basically changing out of sweats), I got a random call. It was this guy. He was like, ‘Hey, how’s it going? I just usually like to call guys on the phone before meeting up to make sure they’re not too femme-y. Just like to see what they sound like.’ I was like, really???? WTF. I asked him if I passed the test, and he seemed to begrudgingly say sure, you sound fine, and was like, ‘We can still meet if you want…’ I ended up meeting him, but we were not on the same page for a lot of reasons. I was like, bye!” — Alex, 32

“Guys expect me to be more rough or manly because of my ‘masculine’ signifiers such as facial and body hair. They also expect me to be dominant, which isn’t to say that I can’t be, but I do get a lot of messages from guys who assume I’m a total top, and that is so not the case. I’ve also met with guys who have been alarmed to find out my voice isn’t deeper.” — Ryan, 29

“When I show up for a hookup and a guy is masc, I sort of assume a masc posture—especially since I’m usually going to be topping, and the expectation of a top is normally that he is masculine. I’ll modify my behavior, like consciously lowering my voice, because I assume that’s what’s sexy.” — Colin, 27

“I’ve encountered an expectation that black men must be hypermasculine to be attractive on these apps. One guy went from wanting to fuck me to wanting to train me at the gym and bulk me up, saying how I look like I’ve never seen the gym and need to gain more. He started talking about how he wants to train me and started recommending protein I can take to get bigger. I could tell he was getting off on it!” — David, 26

“Since Scruff added more femme-forward profile options [such as transgender, queer, and drag], I’ve had much fewer ‘masc only’ dudes contacting me. I see equal amounts of guys saying ‘masc only’ and guys making fun of the ‘masc only’ trend.” — Jesse, 25

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Matter

The original flagship publication of Medium

John Ersing

Written by

Copywriter, journalist, essayist, whateverist

Matter

Matter

The original flagship publication of Medium

John Ersing

Written by

Copywriter, journalist, essayist, whateverist

Matter

Matter

The original flagship publication of Medium

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