Poop Like a Caveman

And some other, more forward-looking ways to improve your morning bathroom routine

By Kevin Roose
Illustrations by Giacomo Gambineri

Of all the rooms in my house, my favorite is the bathroom. Bedrooms and kitchens have their charms, sure, but neither approaches the bathroom’s blend of solitude and comfort. The bathroom is where magazines are read and ideas are generated; where a modicum of privacy and a moment of respite is possible. A good bathroom break is like a small-scale spa visit—a few minutes of self-care that can make the rest of the day a little more bearable.

For month two of my self-bettering experiment, I’m going to overhaul my bathroom—testing products, speaking to experts, and adopting the latest methods to make the most of my morning ablutions. What kind of toothbrush should I be using? How should I shower? Which brand of toilet paper is best? My goal is to make my bathroom as comfortable as possible—a luxurious Shangri-La retreat that will leave me coddled and rejuvenated.

The Toilet

My quest starts with the centerpiece of any bathroom: the toilet.

In his 1966 book The Bathroom, which is still considered the bible of bathroomology, Cornell professor Alexander Kira called the…