I know you see us when we’re sleeping and we’re awake. I know you have more ears in the field than the fictional Nick Fury. Or Hydra for that matter. Speaking of Hydra, I wonder if some people aren’t so sneaky they’ve somehow eluded your sharp eye and avoided being placed on the naughty list when their names should actually live somewhere near the top. I don’t want to imply that you have been in any way negligent in your assessment, Mr. Claus. I would just like to offer my assistance in helping name the corrupt, abusive, cruel, and bigoted among us, folks far from the North Pole. and your good will toward men. And women. Maybe you don’t need the help, but I’ve been keeping my own list all year, and if you’d like to see it, just say the word.

I’d like a do-over on the election for Christmas. I know it’s a tall order, and maybe I should actually be volunteering my time or donating to campaigns, but you got this one, right? I would also take some of that Le Creuset bakeware.

p.s. Any tips on being a black person who walks around white people’s neighborhoods once a year without being shot? Honestly, we’re not sure how you do it.

Ashley C. Ford

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