The Dickonomics of Tinder

Yes, women are using Tinder to get laid. No, not with you.

By Alana Massey
Illustrations by Ana Benaroya

My Tinder match decisions had grown more rapid and decisive. Handsome but no bio and all shirtless gym selfies? Dick is abundant and low value. Lists only an Instagram as a bio? Dick is abundant and low value. Quotes Jack Kerouac’s “The only ones for me are the mad ones…” Dick is abundant and low value. Went to Burning Man…twice? Dick is abundant and low value. Member of an improv troop? Dick is abundant and low value. Those with whom I did match were hardly the boy band composed of chiseled pediatricians and dapper British bankers in Armani suits that some guys imagine women are choosing over them. It was an assortment of unassuming marketing managers, a few tech men who refrained from posting pictures of themselves wearing Google Glass, several vegans with cats they clearly adored, and the occasional Scandinavian giant for reasons I don’t have to explain to you.

Dick is abundant and low value. I had gotten my new motto amidst the worst break-up of my life. Shaken to my core by the degrading insults my ex had hurled at me but also mourning the permanent departure of some poetically good dick, I was spending a day mindlessly refreshing Twitter and reading up on how to spot…