The “C” Word
What consent means to men — and why they’re still too scared to talk about it.
By Beejoli Shah
Too often these days, conversations around consent are shut down before they can even start. Violence against women is on the rise? Ban men. An ostensible feminist is actually an alleged assaulter? Blame male feminism. And if we shun men — in theory, in practice, in internet memes — how can we include them in the conversation about consent at all?
Over the last month, I spoke to men from all different backgrounds — from teens to retirees, lawyers and teachers to mens right’s activists — about where they stand on the practice of consent, outside of the politicized arguments. Even though most guys felt that the onus of consent falls more heavily on men than it does women, they thought everybody should be talking about it. But the problem: nobody seems to be doing so. Men are scared. So much so that some are simply abstaining from sex entirely “because you never know who might cry rape the next day,” as a USC frat member once confided. Fear — of arrest, prosecution, and even mere public shaming — is quickly becoming the primary reason to get on board with…
