Dear Ethan and Faith:

FAITH
As Mrs. Callahan says
the four-leaf clover
is very special
each leaflet representing
something important.
The first is ‘faith’
the second ‘hope’
the third ‘love’
and the fourth
the magical fourth leaflet
is ‘luck’
which is what you have
when the first three
work together.
What I conceived
when I started to try to tell
the fairy tale of a family in crisis
and of two children who
in order to save their home
go into the woods in search
of the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow
is a story grounded
in our story
as that family in crisis.
The truth of what they found
is an expression
of my deepest beliefs
what has become
the meaning of my life
it is my story
our story
your story
of what happens
when faith
hope
love
and luck
work together in our lives.
It is what I want you both to find
at the ends of your rainbows.

HOPE
The inciting event
is the daughter overhearing her parents
arguing about money
worried
about losing the family home
she thinks it’s her fault
because as her father said
it was her medical expenses
that put them into insurmountable debt.
That is fiction.
Grounded in the truth
your mother and I
just could not stop arguing
over money
and the deeper truth of two
fundamentally incompatible people.
You were trapped
in the middle of it
even when you stood between us
arms raised out
four years old
yelling “Stop fighting!”
But we couldn’t.
We wouldn’t.
To call it “fighting”
sounds tame.
It was war
brutal, grinding
for years building up
we just couldn’t stop
your mother and I
going after each other
over and over again
in escalating ways
I couldn’t believe
were really happening
I am so sorry.
For all of it.
My hope
is what we build
now in the present
everyday and
towards the future
your futures.

LOVE
What I am about to say
is about unconditional love
but not
unconditional circumstances.
When I abandoned you
when I was at my lowest point
when I left
without saying goodbye
and I felt all was lost
that I would never see you again
because of what was building
poisonous
vicious
a breaking point coming
I started to believe
we would end up
hurt
or dead
or in prison
or
all of the above.
I woke up
in almost a fugue state
(but not. I was aware
of the choices being made.)
boarded a train
to the airport
bought a one-way ticket
Thirty hours later
I picked up a phone
called your aunt.
“Matt!
Where the fuck
are you?”
“Um… LA. I’ve got
$700 in my pocket
no idea
what I’m doing next.”
“Call me back in 30 minutes
Okay? Call me in 30 minutes?”
“Okay.”
35 minutes later:
“You’re coming here.”
Your aunt and grandparents
gave me not an end
but a starting point
for what happened next
which perhaps is the most
unbelievable part of all.

LUCK
I’ve struggled
with this section
how to explain
how you got
from there
to here
from her
to me.
But you did.
It very easily
could have gone differently
at so many different stages
over the years
but it didn’t.
And now
it’s going to take hard work
(for all of us)
but you have
the chance
to be
healthy and happy
in whatever
you choose to do
in whoever
you choose to be.

FAMILY
Faith
hope
love
luck…
The end of the rainbow
is
us
is
you.
That’s all
that matters.

Love,
Dad

— Matthew S. Spira © 2020

Matthew Spira

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Matthew Spira

Written by

Just a middle-aged dude doing middle-aged things. Poetry repository: matthewspira.org. 1st collection, The End of the Rainbow, on sale: amzn.to/2x5uj

Matthew Spira

Ever-growing collection of poetry. Now with audio (in-progress)!

Matthew Spira

Written by

Just a middle-aged dude doing middle-aged things. Poetry repository: matthewspira.org. 1st collection, The End of the Rainbow, on sale: amzn.to/2x5uj

Matthew Spira

Ever-growing collection of poetry. Now with audio (in-progress)!

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