3 Things Every Queer Couple Should Know about the Adoption Process
by Judy Bokao
A child is one of the biggest blessings we can have, and for most people being parents is something that they have always desired. Following the June 26, 2017 ruling by the Supreme Court to reverse an Arkansas Supreme Court ruling and the order for all states to treat same-sex couples equally to opposite-sex couples, LGBTQ couples can now legally adopt in all 50 states. It was not an easy journey to this magnificent win for the LGBTQ community and it was a great overdue step in the right direction to finally be granted full adoption rights.
As an LGBTQ couple looking into adopting a child in America, here are a few things that you should be prepared to deal with. First thing, you will need to grow an even tougher skin. Not everyone is happy about same-gender adoptions. You are bound to face heavy moral judgement about whether you will be suitable parents. Most people believe that a child cannot flourish if they are raised by a same-sex couple. As a parent — whether you are straight or queer — having someone questioning if you are a good enough parent is really hurtful and downright rude in most occasions. In a normal setting, being a parent involves a lot of self-questioning whether you are doing right by the child and it won’t help if other people begin undermining you as a parent because of your sexual orientation. The most important thing to remember during these times is that good parenting is not influenced by the parents sexual orientation but by their ability to create a loving and nurturing home . Other children raised by queer parents have grown to be as happy and well-adjusted as the children of heterosexual parents. Don’t entertain negative comments on your journey to form a family. At the end of the day, adopting a child is a decision one must come to on their own.
Second, you will have to be ready to face a patchwork of laws in the country that define who is and can be a parent. This means that as a same-sex couple you will face additional complications when it comes to adoption compared to straight couples going through the same process. This means that an LGBTQ couple may seriously have to move states to be able to adopt a child and form a family. Laws differ from one state to another, some states are more strict in terms of how parents are protected, particularly if they are unmarried. Other states allow adoption agencies to refuse to consider LGBTQ couples, citing that it violates the agency’s religious beliefs. Depending on the state you live in, you can be completely protected as a family or be a complete legal stranger to your child. This is a scary situation because it makes it so easy for one parent to lose custody of his or her child depending on the state.
It is important to continuously familiarize yourself with family laws ranging from surrogacy to custody because the landscape is always shifting. Within a single state, there can be layers of befuddling complexity,with rules that help or restrict queer families. Also, keep in mind that even in friendly states, life is still more complicated legally for LGBTQ families. The process is lengthy and complicated and not to mention — costly. For most people, the process will be invasive, upsetting and disturbing. In this political climate, it is best to be aware of your options and how best to protect your LGBTQ family. The reality is although we have made great progress in protecting the relationship of LGBTQ parents and their kids, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done.
Third, you need to decide the type of adoption that you want. It can be a foster adoption, private adoption, international or inter-country. Whatever way you choose to adopt or form a family, you need to do an adoption preparedness checklist. This is a process even heterosexual couples go through. There are the questions that one must seriously consider before embarking on their adoption journey. Becoming a parent is a huge responsibility and it is critical to ensure that this is something you truly want and are ready for. Children are heavily influenced by their environments and this is a life-altering decision for the child as well. It is therefore crucial that you make sure your proverbial ‘house’ is in order
It is a beautiful thing to give a child a loving and safe home. I personally don’t think the sexual orientation of anyone should be a criteria to decide on whether or not they can be parents. It is not an easy journey, but in the end it can be worth it. Other LGBTQ couples have proven it can be done and it all works out. If you want to be a parent and have the love, care and time to give then go ahead. Love is a beautiful, priceless gift to share and there are so many advantages of adopting a kid.
About the Author:
Judy Bokao is 20 years old and was born in Ethiopia but relocated to Nairobi two years ago. She is passionate about everyone having equal rights and is also big on conservation and speaking up for our planet. Judy loves reading and photography and is just a free-spirited young lady trying to grow into a woman her mom can be proud of.
