Break Bread with Republicans — Vote With Pride
Alaska State Representative Andrew Gray, he/him
In the Fall of 2022, I became the first openly gay man elected to the Alaska State Legislature. I had run as a Democrat and, and in my blue district, I won my race decisively. However, Alaska is a red state — our governor was one of the first in the country to endorse Donald Trump in the 2024 presidential race.
As a new legislator the advice that surprised me most was that I should eat dinner with Republican lawmakers at least twice a week. I was shocked. I had just worked so hard to defeat Republicans, how could I possibly hang out with them socially? But serving in a House of Representatives controlled by Republicans requires cooperation: if I wanted to pass any legislation it would require their support. And the only way to gain that support was to establish relationships with them.
I followed the advice. I co-chaired the Freshmen Caucus with a Republican. All the brand-new House members — roughly half Democrat, half Republican, with a few Independents sprinkled in — met every two weeks. We started meeting before we were sworn in, and we continue to meet to this day as we all run for re-election. And lo and behold, friendships have blossomed.
I disagree with my Republican colleagues on many policy points, but the one thing I am certain of: the Freshmen Republicans I have spent so much time with do not have a problem with me being gay. We have spent time with each other’s families, including my husband and our son. In fact, my son is now close friends with my Republican co-chair’s son. And the importance of this cannot be overstated. The far right contingent in the Alaska State House would love to make anti-LGBTQ legislation a priority, but there are enough Republicans who stand in the way of that agenda that it cannot proceed.
Prior to running for office, I served in the Army National Guard. One of the reasons I joined the military was simply because I finally could. When the Obama administration allowed LGBTQ people to serve openly in the armed services, a new possibility for taking care of my $170,000 in student loans was on the table. What I learned immediately upon joining was that the Army LGBTQ community was very small. I was often the only openly queer person in my unit, and it was hard. But I’m confident that my presence changed soldiers’ opinions and made it easier for the next openly queer folks to serve with them.
Being the only openly LGBTQ person in any space can be a struggle, but it is a worthwhile one. I want to encourage everyone reading this to be brave and engage with the folks that you normally wouldn’t. The easy path is to stick with those that we know are supportive, but by forcing ourselves out of our bubbles we change hearts and minds.
I passed two substantive pieces of legislation during my first term, which as a freshman minority Democrat in the Alaska State House is nothing to sneeze at. But more important than passing my bills, the friendships that made those laws possible transcend the legislature. The advice I was given as a new legislator is the same advice I want to pass on today: everyone should be having dinner twice a week with folks who vote differently than them.
The truth is very few folks absolutely line up with their party’s platform. Those who say they are in complete agreement with either the Democratic or Republican parties are engaged in a performance of sorts. I say this because in Alaska our state Democratic party platform was significantly amended on the floor of our convention this year. Those who showed up that morning thinking they were in agreement ended up with a completely different platform by that evening.
We all need to engage in deep self-reflection. We all need to be open to listening to our neighbors, co-workers, and family who have different politics than us and to seek to understand where their beliefs come from. And we may be able to find surprising areas of overlap.
In the Alaska House we have two Democratic representatives who previously served as prosecutors. They are “tough on crime” and if one didn’t know any better and only heard them speak on criminal justice, one would assume they were Republicans. Conversely, we have a Republican representative whose child has been incarcerated. That representative speaks eloquently about the need to reform our prison system and sounds like a typical Democrat on that one issue.
Our country is at a crossroads. The political animosity is at a fever pitch. It has become too easy for us to demonize our fellow Americans. We are all complicated people. I choose to believe that most of us can change. To facilitate that change we need to be present at the table. This doesn’t mean you have to run for office or join the military (although those are great ways to do it); you just need to be willing to spend some time with folks that might make you uncomfortable.
Obviously, not everyone will be willing to break bread with you, but most people will. I need you to be willing to do it, too. The future of our nation depends on it.
About the Series
- To check if you are able to vote, visit nass.org/can-I-vote
- To register to vote or to check your voter registration, visit vote.gov
- To find the location and time of polling sites near you, visit usa.gov/how-to-vote
In 2024, across the globe, more people are going to vote than ever before. It is vital that you stay informed, and that, when the time comes you vote. The Vote With Pride series aims to motivate people, especially young queer people, to take their life into their own hands this year by casting a ballot.
Disclaimer:
The views and opinions expressed in the articles are the author’s alone and do not reflect the views or opinions of the Matthew Shepard Foundation.
