Domestic Violence in the LGBTQ+ Community
by Judy Bokao
Domestic violence has been a silent problem for a long time and it has really affected victims — both emotionally and physically. People assume that it doesn’t affect the LGBTQ+ community, but the truth is there are so many LGBTQ+ individuals going through it.
Domestic Violence takes many forms but it is described as any behavior which has the purpose of gaining power or control over a spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend or intimate family member. It is important to note that abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses, but these things can trigger more violence.
In a recent study, it was found that 44% percent of lesbian women, 61% of bisexual women, and 35% of heterosexual women experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Twenty-six percent of gay men, 37% of bisexual men, and 29% of heterosexual men also experienced the same. Approximately 1 in 5 bisexual women (22%) and nearly 1 in 10 heterosexual women (9%) have been raped by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that more than half (54%) of respondents experienced some form of intimate partner violence, including acts involving coercive control and physical harm. Additionally, nearly half (47%) of respondents were sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime and one in ten (10%) were sexually assaulted in the past year. In communities of color, these numbers are higher: 53% of Black respondents were sexually assaulted in their lifetime and 13% were sexually assaulted in the last year.
This clearly shows that there should be raising concern in the LGBTQ+ community, seeing that domestic violence has not been taken seriously and it is clearly a neglected subject in the community. There are so many LGBTQ persons suffering in silence. not knowing how and when to seek help about domestic violence in their relationships. Many of the abusive partners in LGBTQ+ relationships have also reinforced their tactics to maintain power and control with societal factors that compound the complexity a survivor faces in leaving or getting safe in an LGBTQ+ relationship.
In cases where a partner is still in the closet, the violent partner can threaten to expose them if they report any physical or sexual abuse, and then the abusive partner gets the upper hand — especially if the other partner is not ready to publicly be out. Abusive partners often look of ways of keeping them in the relationship. The partner will always justify the abuse with the idea that a partner is not “really” lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (i.e. the victim may once have had/may still have relationships, or express a gender identity, varying with the abuser’s definitions of these terms). This can be used both as a tool in verbal and emotional abuse, as well as to further the isolation of a victim from the community.
The abuser often uses various tactics in the event of domestic violence, they love using coercion and threats. In some cases, they end up carrying out their threats to do something to harm or even kill their partner. In other violent relationships, the abuser uses emotional abuse like looking down upon the partner or humiliating and playing mind games to make them feel guilty about it. Here are an example of how the cycle works between the abuser and the victim.
ABUSIVE PARTNERS MAY:
- Deny the situation based on the false notion that abuse only happens between a man and a woman.
- Tell partner they will be in trouble because they look more “masculine” or because they do not fit into society’s traditional gender roles.
VICTIMS MAY:
- Try to hide the abuse to prevent tarnishing the image of themselves or their partner.
- Be reluctant to seek help from law enforcement and other systems because of the fear of being discriminated against or mistreated just because of who they are.
- Be unaware that domestic violence organizations offer services for women and men regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
It is very important for the victim to be able to come out and talk about their struggles. There are various ways of helping domestic violence victims. There is always a way out, one just needs to be ready to leave and realize they are strong enough to be on their own. It is scary to think about leaving but the reality is, it is more scary and risky to stay.
About the Author:
Judy Bokao is 20 years old and was born in Ethiopia but relocated to Nairobi two years ago. She is passionate about everyone having equal rights and is also big on conservation and speaking up for our planet. Judy loves reading and photography and is just a free-spirited young lady trying to grow into a woman her mom can be proud of.
