#DrewsViews: Polyamory

by Drew Adams

I’m polyamorous. Here’s what that means to me.

All of my life I have been intrigued by the concept of polyamory. I thought the idea of one person having multiple partners was great in theory, but couldn’t work in real life. I assumed that polyamory only existed in fiction, or in some patriarchal societies where men have multiple wives.

I have been in monogamous relationships all of my teenage life. I enjoyed doing so, but most of my relationships would end the same way: one of us wouldn’t be able to fulfill a need that the other had, which would start an issue of miscommunication, which would end badly.

It wasn’t until recently, a few months ago in fact, that I realized how wrong I was about polyamory. One of my friends, started talking about their relationships and how they are polyamorous, and as I learned more, I became more interested. I started researching on my own, and after watching hours of YouTube videos on polyamory, different relationship dynamics, and communication in relationships, I decided that I am someone who would be comfortable in and thrive in a polyamorous relationship dynamic. I’m polyamorous.

In my experience, it is impossible for one person to fill every need I ever will have in my entire life. I am growing and changing constantly, and so my needs will also change. The same goes for my partners. I don’t think it would be realistic for me to think that I will be all my partners will ever need. So for me, polyamory is a way to ensure that every person has all of their needs met. As long as every person involved is honest and communicates what boundaries they want to set for their relationships, and everyone respects each others boundaries, everything is okay.

I know there are a lot of misconceptions about polyamory, so here are a few and why they aren’t true. Polyamory is not a way to justify cheating, and cheating can still happen in polyamorous relationships. If someone crosses a communicated and agreed upon boundary, there are still consequences because that is still not okay. Polyamorous people can be just as committed to their partners as monogamous couples. Polyamorous people can have families with two or more partners raising children together, while still maintaining any additional relationship dynamics any person may have.

The possibilities are endless for polyamorous relationship dynamics, and everything is valid and good as long as everyone communicates and respects each other. That is one of the things I love most about polyamory.

About the Author:

Drew Adams is a transgender high school senior from Ponte Vedra, FL, who is committed to LGBTQ advocacy at the local and national levels. He serves as his high school GSA’s president and raises money for Northeast Florida’s LGBTQ youth outreach, JASMYN, to which he also donates food, toiletries and school supplies. Nationally, Drew serves as a youth ambassador and advocacy volunteer for The Trevor Project, a youth social media ambassador for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, and a Volunteer and Intern Coordinator for Point of Pride. On the legislative side, Drew lobbies for the Equality Act by visiting with his Congressional representatives and their staff.

Additionally, Drew has spent years fighting to change his school district’s bathroom policy to be trans-inclusive, and the fight is still ongoing. Drew is an International Baccalaureate student and a volunteer at the Mayo Clinic, and he hopes to go to medical school and become an adolescent psychiatrist specializing in transgender health. For fun, he practices Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, creates sculpture art and plays the piano.