Navigating the world while trans is confusing, to say the least. The world of dating, however, can be even worse. Sexuality, gender expression, and personal preferences can cause a ton of issues and even lead to dangerous situations when a trans person tries to date or get involved with a cis person. More and more, trans people are sticking to just dating other trans people, instead of trying to safely navigate dating in the general population or even the general LGBTQ population. Trans for trans, or T4T, simply means that someone is trans and only looking to date other trans people.
The benefits for trans people being trans for trans are numerous. Trans people are the only ones who can truly understand a trans person’s experience, so trans couples often hit it off and feel comfortable around each other more quickly than a trans person dating a cis person. Trans people also understand each other’s struggles, insecurities, experiences, and feelings, especially those related to being trans, better too. Trans people have a lot of similar experiences, like dealing with families, struggles in gendered spaces like bathrooms, first haircuts or clothing item of their choice, and some medical experiences, so trans people are more likely to have things in common with other trans people, which makes trans people bond with trans people faster.
While trans people specifically bond better with other trans people, most don’t exclude cis people from their dating pool altogether. There are plenty of trans people who prefer to date cis people, and people like me who prefer trans people, but don’t go out of my way to not date cis people. I prefer people I can become comfortable with more quickly, which usually means trans people, but sometimes can also mean cis people. I wouldn’t, however, say I’m exclusively trans for trans.
My wonderful trans boyfriend, James, and I had a conversation about this issue that led to me writing this post, and he’s been an important source of inspiration for a lot of my recent posts. We will be working together more often on blog posts in the future, so keep on the lookout for that!
About the Author:
Drew Adams is a transgender college freshman at the University of Central Florida who is committed to LGBTQ advocacy at the local and national levels. Nationally, Drew serves as a youth ambassador and advocacy volunteer for The Trevor Project, a youth social media ambassador for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, and a Volunteer and Intern Coordinator for Point of Pride. On the legislative side, Drew lobbies for the Equality Act by visiting with his Congressional representatives and their staff.
Additionally, Drew has spent years fighting to change his school district’s bathroom policy to be trans-inclusive, and the fight is still ongoing. Drew is an International Baccalaureate student and a volunteer at the Mayo Clinic, and he hopes to go to medical school and become an adolescent psychiatrist specializing in transgender health. For fun, he practices Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, creates sculpture art and plays the piano.