Emotional Queer Self-Care Over Holidays
By Sassafras Lowrey
The holiday season is here which can be exhausting and stressful for anyone, but especially LGBTQ+ people, many of us have complicated or nonexistent relationships with our families of origin. During the holiday season it’s important to protect yourself both physically and emotionally, though self-care. Self-care is more than just taking a bubble bath or eating your favorite snack. Queer self-care goes deeper into making sure we’re supporting our full selves, dipping into communities where we can and finding ways to center our identities, joys, and passions. Here are some ways to queerly prioritize self-care during the holiday season.
Reach Out:
If you’re going to be spending the holidays alone or in an unsupportive place, find ways to reach out to friends and community who are supportive. If possible, try to spend some physical time with friends and chosen family, but if that’s not possible connect virtually with your community. This might look like posting in a group chat, hanging out online with your friends or even just commenting on a friend’s social media posts. Reach out to your friends when you’re feeling lonely, or struggling, but also proactively in advance. Try to make some plans with your friends during or after the holiday so you have something fun to look forward to.
Self-Expression Outlets:
Regardless of what your holiday plans are going to be it’s helpful to find time and way to spend time creating a space to express yourself. This might be how you’re feeling boat the holiday season, or interactions you’re having with friends and family. Especially if you can’t be fully out as your true self during the holidays, or you’re experiencing homophobia, transphobia, or an overall lack of support it can be especially meaningful to find ways to get your feelings out. Artistic practices like writing, drawing, painting, and collaging are all great ways to get your feelings out and express yourself. You don’t have to consider yourself an artist or “good” at art in order to find self-expression beneficial. You can share art with your friends, or you can make art just for yourself. The most important thing is just having a space to process your feelings and get them out of your head.
Focus on Special Interests:
The holiday season can feel overwhelming and all-consuming. One way to support yourself during the holiday season is to find time to devote to things that bring you joy outside of holiday activities. A great way to do this is to spend time on your hobbies, passions, or special interests. That could be video games, art, reading, watching movies, or anything else. Doing the activities that feel good to you, that bring you joy is a great way to pour into yourself, reduce your stress, and help you to feel more at peace with yourself even during what can be a stressful time. Your hobbies don’t have to be practical, and you don’t have to be “good” at any of these things, the most important thing is to focus on interests you enjoy.
Connect With Chosen Family:
Even if you can’t spend physical time with your chosen family over the holidays, make time to connect even if it’s just a quick text with your closest friends and chosen family. If you find yourself having to spend time with people who aren’t supportive of you, try to also connect with those people who share similar identities or who are supportive allies. Try to plan and schedule time to see your friends, mentors, and chosen family members whenever possible during the holidays. Prioritizing talking to or spending time with people who support and affirm you can help build you up for navigating less than supportive holiday experiences if you can’t avoid them.
“Give Back:”
Sometimes pouring into the community and showing up for others can be a great way to help ourselves feel, if not better, less alone during the holiday season. Community groups and organizations are always looking for help from people of all ages. This winter consider volunteering for a social justice, political, or community cause that you believe in — that cause can be queer, but it doesn’t have to be! Connecting with other people and coming together in community can help you feel less alone, even if the connection you’re experiencing might look different than the cultural stereotype of what holiday togetherness is “supposed” to look like.
Have a Safety Plan:
Physical and emotional safety is the most important thing every day and during the holiday season. If you’re concerned that you won’t be physically or emotionally safe during the holidays, work with your support system to create a safety plan for what you’ll do if you feel unsafe or need extra support. This might include having phone numbers of people you can call in an emergency, making plans for where you’ll physically go if it’s not safe to be at home, and hotlines like The Trevor Project.
About the Author
Sassafras Lowrey’s novels and nonfiction books have been honored by organizations ranging from the American Library Association to the Lambda Literary Foundation and the Dog Writers Association of America. Sassafras’ work has appeared in The New York Times, Wired, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Sassafras has taught queer writing courses and workshops at LitReactor, the NYC Center For Fiction and at colleges, conferences, and LGBTQ youth centers across the country. You can find more of Sassafaras’ written works, including an edited collection exploring LGBTQ+ youth homelessness entitled Kicked Out, at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.
