Back in late 2006, I was found bludgeoned to death in my house in San Pedro, California. Literally to death — I had to be revived by paramedics.
That same night, my mother A.B.V. was arrested and charged with attempted murder but was never convicted. Unfortunately, she let off the hook for temporary insanity due to her intense homophobia. How that worked, I’m not sure. She tried to kill me for being gay and not for any other reason. Since that day, my life hasn’t been the same, knowing that I had been attacked for being gay.
A mother is supposed to be a lot of things. A support system. A shoulder to cry on. A champion and a friend. This was not the case in my household.
When my dad found out what she had done, he called for an ambulance. That night in late 2006, A.B.V. beat me up and I was revived by paramedics via AED/defibrillator. I was cold blue when the paramedics found me at home. I still remember being revived in my bedroom by paramedics using an AED and having double vision. I remember being given an oxygen tank and mask. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I remember A.B.V. getting tasered by police and arrested/hauled off to jail. The detective who showed up to the house knew it was A.B.V. who did it. Once he had her remove her surgical gloves, he discovered that her hands were full of bruises from when she beat me up.
Once I came back to full consciousness, I spent the following few weeks recovering at Little Company of Mary Hospital in San Pedro, CA. I spent my time there starting in the emergency room all the way to the rehabilitation ward. Many of the hospital staff, doctors, and nurses knew my mother who tried to kill me–because they were coworkers. I ended up at the same hospital she worked at while she was behind bars at the county jail. Some of the hospital nurses who treated me were even my own relatives. One nurse was my mother’s sister–my aunt. She was fired for having a nervous breakdown at the hospital as the result of finding out that it was her own older sister who had tried to beat me to death.
The ramifications of homophobia affect more than just the victims.
The night of my attempted murder, I was drugged by my parents. They ground up tranquilizers and put them in my food and drink, leaving me completely sedated and defenseless. My mother then proceeded to hit my head, giving me a serious concussion and coma. She choked me, cutting off blood flow to my brain. I was in the hospital with a swollen head and a bruised neck with the shape of a hand print exactly the same size as my mother’s hand, as demonstrated in court.
At the moment, I am living in exile from my direct family and they don’t know where I live and I want to keep it that way. A.B.V. passed away of liver cancer back in July 2014. My father, as well as my siblings all played a hand in my hate crime. They have abused me practically my whole life for being gay. A.B.V. was later bailed out after my dad mortgaged the house. My siblings continued to show my mother all my gay email correspondence despite her severe homophobia. A.B.V. always said her worst fear in life had always been gay people but she could never explain why. Growing up, she and her friends would beat up all the gay kids in the town where she lived in Norala, South Cotobato, Mindanao, Philippines. She was raised with zero tolerance for gay people.
I know for sure that I don’t have my family’s blessing to share my story or go public with it. But it is my moral obligation to share my story and reach out to all victims of hate crimes who have been beaten up and/or harmed in any way–both before and after me. I do have a cousin on my dad’s side of the family who has her own law firm in Los Angeles. She is even a lesbian with a wife. I am sad to say that after contacting her recently about what had happened to me, I didn’t receive any kind of support from her at all. She is more interested in protecting my father from going to jail for being an accessory for drugging me all the times A.B.V. would beat me up as well as the night she tried to kill me. He had been doing it my whole life. Breaking the law like that, he should be in jail for felony assault.
At the present moment, I am still in recovery due to my PTSD as the result of being beaten up so many times at the hand of A.B.V. just for being gay. My therapist said I will never get over this trauma, but hopefully someday I will learn to live with it. It is not easy for me to even write about my story. I remember when I was still in middle school I was in bed late one night and I said the word “Backla” which means “gay” in Tagalog. My mom, whose room was on the other side of the wall stormed into my room and in a fit of rage she yelled “Where is the Backla? Kill it! Backla will go straight to hell!” I was shocked. Because of her zero tolerance towards gays, I was never able to talk to her about how I felt. I was doomed from the start. A.B.V. was by far the worst homophobe I had ever known in my life and I almost died because of her insecurities, her lack of acceptance, and her own fears. I never felt the same way that she did about gay people. I always believed that we lived in a free country and you should “live and let live.” But according to A.B.V., all gay people should be hanged. We might live in a free country but there are predators in this country like A.B.V. who don’t believe in what this country stands for and they want to kill all gay people to shut them up for good.
Where does this deeply seeded homophobia come from? I’ll never know now, but I am continuing to work towards recovery–both in the physical and emotional sense. It’s all I can do.
About the author:
M.V. was born in Harbor City CA on 01/20/84 and raised in San Pedro, California. Today, he is in full time recovery from the trauma sustained by his severe injuries in late 2006. His life is currently put on hold until he can recover from severe psychological trauma & PTSD as painful memories of the past continues to resurface. M.V. meditates twice a day and is currently undergoing a life long therapy program due to having been severely beaten to the point of near death in late 2006. His life will never be the same as a survivor of having suffered a hate crime for being bisexual. He is one of many victims of a hate crime. What makes this story unique is that he survived.