How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Single
By Sassafras Lowrey
Whether you’re in a relationship, single, heartbroken, or wanting to expand the amount of love you are radiating you can center community love this February. Instead of putting the emphasis about who you’re going to go on a date with, or who you have a crush on this Valentine’s Day focus on how much you love your friends and your larger queer community. By focusing on our friendships, we can queer the valentine’s narrative by prioritizing spending quality time with our closest friends and amplifying those relationships.
Organize A Friend Celebration Event:
If you are involved with an LGBTQ+ community or school group consider organizing a fun community event that is about celebrating friendship. This can be a great way to meet new friends and help people to feel more connected and involved with your local queer community. This is also a kind way to support your friends who might be struggling with any kind of breakup, who are single, or who are aro/ace identified and may not be interested in being involved in relationships with other people.
Not feeling up for a big group meetup? You can make plans to get a small group of friends together on Valentine’s Day or around Valentine’s Day. This can be a fun way to make sure that all your friends remember just how loved they are by you, and your entire social group regardless of if they are dating anyone. You can have a movie night with your favorite snacks while watching a favorite queer movie or TV show, or have an art night where everyone creates something: a poem, a painting, a collage, etc. inspired by queer friendship.
Send Valentines:
Remember how fun it was in elementary school to give valentines to everyone in your class? You can recreate this fun no matter how old you are! Boxes of bulk valentines can be purchased inexpensively at grocery stores. You can usually find a whole box of valentines (enough for a whole elementary school class) for a dollar or two. Just think of how many queer friends and acquaintances whose days you can brighten with those valentines! Want to get more creative? You could even create valentines for your friends and chosen family. Make valentines using your favorite pride colors, or get inspired by some of your favorite social justice and queer-affirming quotes and use those as themes for the valentines. To get you started, a few of my favorite quotes centering community and pride are:
“I’m not missing a minute of this. It’s the revolution!” — Sylvia Rivera
“We need, in every community, a group of angelic troublemakers.” — Bayard Rustin
“Write the story that you were always afraid to tell. I swear to you that there is magic in it, and if you show yourself naked for me, I’ll be naked for you. It will be our covenant” ― Dorothy Allison
Make Valentine’s Day Yours:
While it might feel like everyone is celebrating their boyfriend/girlfriend/monogamous date this February Valentine’s Day can also be an opportunity to spoil yourself. As you center queer community this February, don’t forget to prioritize showing up for yourself too. If you’re feeling alone, take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to dive into your queer community. Go to events, call friends you haven’t seen, and try to make plans, read queer books, or watch your favorite LGBTQ+ movie. Don’t forget to make time to fall in love with yourself too. Treat yourself in some way, even if it’s just taking a little extra time getting ready, or having your favorite meal, spending quality time with a pet, or making time to read a comic you enjoy. By spending a little extra time on self-care/love.
Love Your Friends
Dates and lovers will come and go, but your friends will always be there with and for you. Especially for LGBTQ+ people, our friends often become our chosen family. The friendships that we build, and the communities that we create together are often some of our closest and most intimate relationships. This Valentine’s Day consider prioritizing those relationships not just whatever romantic dates you might be hoping to go on. Try to pour energy into your friendships, and make sure you’re making time for “friend dates’’ and hangouts. Treat your friends with as much priority as you would give a romantic partner. This month consider celebrating what makes those friendships special, and make your friends feel loved. Celebrate the history that you have together, show up for one another, and show your friends how important they are to you!
About the Author
Sassafras Lowrey’s novels and nonfiction books have been honored by organizations ranging from the American Library Association to the Lambda Literary Foundation and the Dog Writers Association of America. Sassafras’ work has appeared in The New York Times, Wired, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Sassafras has taught queer writing courses and workshops at LitReactor, the NYC Center For Fiction and at colleges, conferences, and LGBTQ youth centers across the country. You can find more of Sassafras’ written works, including an edited collection exploring LGBTQ+ youth homelessness entitled Kicked Out, at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.
