Lesléa Newman: What I Know Now

Author, poet, and queer activist Lesléa Newman offers her advice to queer youth.

Name and Pronouns:

Lesléa Newman she/her/hers

What you wanted to be when you were a teenager:

I wanted to be a poet. I couldn’t wait to see my name on the front cover of a book and my author photo on the back of a book. I would go to the library and stare at the shelves, imagining a book of my poems sandwiched between books of poetry by Pablo Neruda and Frank O’Hara.

What you do now:

I’m a poet! My first published poem appeared in Seventeen Magazine in 1976. It’s never too early to follow your dreams. And dreams do come true!

What you’re most proud of:

In terms of my poetry, I am most proud of my books, October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard and Always Matt: A Tribute to Matthew Shepard. I am also incredibly proud of receiving the Matthew Shepard Foundation Making a Difference Award. In terms of my life, I am most proud of my 35-year marriage to Mary Grace Newman Vazquez, the butch of my dreams.

3 words that describe your teenage self:

Sad, lonely, hopeless.

3 words that describe you now:

Happy, grateful, fierce.

What you would tell your teenage self:

Your life will turn out more amazing than you can possibly imagine. Many kind, caring, generous people will appear in your life and be there for you. Hang in there and believe in yourself. You don’t have to change anything about you. You are completely loveable just as you are, you deserve to be loved, and you will be loved. And all your dreams will come true.

What you wish you knew about coming out that you know now:

I wish I had known that coming out would make my life so much better. That everything would change — I would literally breathe so much easier. I wish I’d known that coming out would lead me into a community of the most amazing people in the world. And that the people I was most afraid to come out to — family members including my grandmother and parents — would eventually come around and be proud of me.

What you wish you could have done differently as a teenager:

I wish I had treated myself more kindly. I wish I hadn’t hated myself so much. I wish I hadn’t abused myself by constantly putting myself on diets, trying to change my body to match an impossible standard. I wish I could have loved myself the way I do now.

What you love most about being part of the LGBTQ+ community:

I love being surrounded by so many kind, compassionate, interesting, creative, sparkling people! I love the diversity of our community, I love the openness of our community, I love the passion of our community, I love everything about our community! One of the things my mother said when I came out was that she was sad my world was becoming so small. But that’s not what happened. In fact, the opposite happened. My world became much much larger when I came out.

Person you most admire:

May I have two? The two people I admire most are Judy and Dennis Shepard. They are the kindest, most caring people I know. They spend their lives doing all they can to make the world a better place for all of us. They give of themselves tirelessly. I have been with Judy and Dennis at events and have seen the way they open their hearts to everyone who approaches them. They greet everyone they meet with open arms, a listening ear, and a warm smile. I am so grateful to know them. They inspire me every single day.

If you could change one thing about the world, you would:

Erase hate! I don’t understand the people who live with hate in their hearts. It must be a terrible way to live. If I had a magic wand, I would use it to open people’s hearts and minds so that everyone on the planet would be accepted, respected, and celebrated.

What inspires you now:

The young people I meet who are so passionate about social justice and creating a world that is safe for all of us. I’ve met so many high school and college students at my readings who are so accepting of everyone of all sexualities, genders, races, religions, nationalities, and backgrounds. This lifts my heart and fills me with hope for the future. I truly believe that love will win.