Local Bi Woman Dates Cis/Straight Man
By Mya Tran
I, like many queer people, have a lot of gay friends. I really have a lot of bisexual friends — namely bisexual friends who identify as women. So, it wasn’t really all that unusual to find myself on the couch, surrounded by many of these friends and talking with each other. What was surprising was when the words “She needs to date a woman,” came out of my mouth. It’s a sentiment I’ve heard often. Women come out as bisexual and proceed to either continue to date typically cis/het men, or they marry one. People tend to be in uproar about it. They view it as a waste of a queer woman, why would you date a cis/het man if you could date a woman? We can all agree that men are the worst. Isn’t it fair to wish that your friend would explore their sexuality a bit more?
Yes and no. Bi-erasure is something I’m sensitive to, of course, as I am bisexual. That’s a word that gets thrown around a lot, and yet I see few people openly discussing bisexual people being actively bisexual. I’ve found that more people are more comfortable with bi men, with comments like “gay boyfriend” and so forth, but bi women are stereotyped and almost looked down on. I know I’ve seen people complaining about bi women in relationships with mediocre men, have you?
It can be really frustrating at times for our generation in particular to see bi women end up with men. For fictional characters, sure, often it feels as though a character was “made” bisexual and the writers have no intention of exploring that facet of someone. But when it comes to real people we have to acknowledge that not everyone’s journey of sexuality discover looks the same. Some of us might understand the joy and bliss of being able to be in a queer relationship and we want to share that with others, but frankly, for some it’s about understanding oneself as opposed to experiencing it.
So, in defense of myself, I was talking about my own friend who I know quite well and yes, I do think it would be really good for her to date a woman. But it’s not everyone’s story. Not every bi woman needs to actually go out and date women, sometimes it can be enough just to know that about yourself. You’re not cheating, it’s not queerbait. Biseuxal people in heterosexual seeming relationships are still bisexual, just as bisexual people in queer relationships remain bisexual.
About the Author
Mya Tran is an incoming junior at Butler University, in Indianapolis, IN. They are currently studying English on the creative writing track and German. Growing up in a small college town with limited queer role models, Tran has spent her life with her nose in the books, looking for someone to relate to.
