Previously on Schitt’s Creek: Alexis and Ted had the most mature breakup the universe has ever seen, and I cried my eyes out about it.
We missed last week, so this week y’all are in luck — ya get two recaps for the price (click?) of one!
A lot of things happened between last (not-so-Super) Tuesday and now. A lot of them were bad, unless you were really hoping to have another election dominated by old white men finger waving their way through every debate. Bernie and Biden have already exchanged heated, “Get real” tweets (no, really, they both said it to each other).
And folks are screeching “Burn the witch” all over Twitter, blaming Elizabeth Warren at every turn. We all thought Biden wasn’t even in the race, yet while us Warren and Sanders supporters fought over which progressive was the most progressive, Biden has almost surely roller skated his way to the nom.
I live in a state that votes so late in the primary I don’t know what the ballot will even look like at this point — Biden and Tusli freakin’ Gabbard? But, yes we should still all vote blue no matter what, there are families still in cages.
It was also announced that my other favorite show currently on the air, The Magicians, will be ending this April with their season 5 finale. It’s said the finale was written as a series finale just in case but still. Schitt’s Creek and The Magicians, two of the queerest shows on TV, my two favorite shows currently on TV, will be gone in less than a month. High King Margo, my crush Eliot, and the Rose clan all gone this year?
Oh, and did I mention Elizabeth Warren suspended her presidential campaign because this country is a sexist nightmare? And then there’s the coronavirus which I’ve just become positive I’ll somehow get from not washing my hands while singing a funny song like in those memes everyone is tweeting.
Nothing was beautiful and everything hurt.
But are we all still watching Schitt’s Creek or what? What better to watch when your heart hurts than a brand new episode of Schitt’s Creek — a show that, even if it makes you cry, you feel good after watching.
Last week’s episode, ‘Rebound’, opens with David saying he finds Alexis rebounding so fast “alarmingly manic,” which, moving forward, is how I’d like folks to describe me. Moira, of course, wants to support Alexis getting out there because it’s much easier than facing the actual problem — she calls David the “grim reaper of romance,” something I’d prefer people not call me but would make sense if they did.
In walks our Alexis. She seems to be feeling great about her date and looks great too, but also seems to have reverted back to Season 1 Alexis texting Stavros. She’s putting on her act of being happy and dumb — two things she’s for sure, especially not after her breakup with Ted. David, the only one capable of starting a serious conversation in the Rose family, tries to approach her about her rebounding so fast and Alexis brushes it off. And Moira replies, “I said ‘Bravo Alexis, fling forward’” before giving David a look that says, “I don’t know what to do.” The whole thing feels very Season 1, but you know it’s leading to a more real moment than Season 1 would’ve lent itself to (aka the moment in the episode where I cry).
Alexis gets in the bathroom and there’s a knock at the door — Artie, a grey haired yuppie type, is returning something “Lexie” left in his car. The Rose clan unfairly judges him — Alexis and David are mid 30s (right?), so dating someone who is 50+ isn’t such a big deal. But he is, of course, a lame dude.
Our other, more hysterical plot, is we find out Jocelyn wants to work with David and Patrick at the store. Jocelyn is one of the most underrated characters and anytime she has to pair up with David, it is absolute gold. The boys are kind of guilted into giving her a trial run at the store — and she does freakin’ fantastic. Jocelyn’s infectious smile would likely make me itchy IRL the way it does David Rose, but in the world of the show I just love it. I also would have bought some overpriced face milk and rosemary scented candles from her.
We eventually see Johnny have a run-in with Alexis and her new older man, and Johnny and Artie have a talk that leads him to break up with Alexis and to our incredibly tender moment — Alexis crying on her father’s shoulder. The acting is this scene — Annie Murphy has the goddamned range! And also, once again, made me cry while watching this show.
Johnny Rose even asks where David is — a thing that felt all too real as my father once said to me, “Have you called your mother” when I called him to tell him a friend had died (which, to be fair, I did call my mother first but she didn’t pick up). Johnny Rose is such a well-meaning albeit clueless dad.
In the newest episode, ‘Sunrise, Sunset’, we open on the Rose family having dinner together in the café — something that always leads to a great scene. Much of this season has been spent with the characters all branching off with other folks form the town — something I’m sure is being done on purpose. But it’s nice to see them eating food together. Johnny accidentally invites Twyla to David and Patrick’s wedding (okay but why wasn’t she invited in the first place) and in walks Alexis, looking incredibly rough. David accidentally pulls out an extension from her hair and she doesn’t even notice — our Alexis is embracing her post-breakup feelings.
We then learn the new Rosebud Motel has termites and a foundation that’s about to collapse. The whole thing is like a Bob’s Burgers bit. Can’t they all just have something go well for once?
And no, no they can’t. Because we also then learn Groomzilla David is still being a lot (also, where the hell was Patrick this episode?). Johnny can’t afford the food for the wedding but refuses to let David know this because of course.
I have trouble reconciling this David with the David who spent the last few season growing — he does tells his father if he can’t afford it it’s no big deal but also he should already know his father can’t afford it. I need us to speed up and get to the inevitable scene where Patrick yells at David, David realizes he’s being a brat and I cry at their wedding at the hotel.
While Alexis is taking a break from life, she starts binging Moira’s show, Sunrise Bay — partly due to the fact that Moira is having a meeting with her old producer. We finally get a clip of the show and it’s a scene of Moira doing her infamous slap (the one she used on Roland) but on her costar Clifton Sparks (played by who I think is the show’s first big guest star, Victor Garber).
Moira finds out Clifton is the reason she was killed off on Sunrise Bay — with some help from Alexis falling down a Sunrise Bay internet hole. We get to see Moira stand up for herself, perform her iconic slap on a drunk Victor Garber, and even compliment Alexis. It’s a plot that could’ve used more attention in an episode packed full of moving chess pieces, but it was still gratifying.
And, in a really nice turn of events that I didn’t see coming, Stevie ends up coming up with a way to keep going with renovations of the termite infested new motel. For them to buy more motels! She gets her ideas from Johnny’s book, that her and Roland both read (well, Roland only read the dedication because he’s more of a historic fiction kinda guy). Johnny says he’ll call in some investors.
The episode ends on Moira and her kids watching old episode of Sunrise Bay — and every time they mention plot points, it’s near 30 Rock levels of cartoony…until you remember Passions, Charmed, and the 2020 election exist.
Best Outfit from Rebound: Alexis in her gold number form the opening.
Favorite Moment from Rebound: Alexis crying on her dad’s shoulder.
Best Outfit from Sunrise, Sunset: David’s sweatshirt form the opening, which is plain black with the words “ICON” in white on the front and the bright silver number Moira wears to her meeting.
Favorite Moment from Sunrise, Sunset: Moira slapping the crap out of her shithead former co-star Clifton Sparks.