Surviving the Holidays as a Queer Person
by Ryan Cassata
The holidays are a super rough time for many queer people. Many of us are forced to be around homophobic family members who won’t acknowledge our significant others. Many of us experience transphobia and being dead-named and misgendered. Some of us are even without anyone to celebrate with.
I’ve experienced many holidays where I wasn’t invited, where I was left isolated, where I was misgendered, and where my identity was completely disregarded. Those type of days sure do sting. As a teenager, they were unavoidable and you may be in the same situation. I know many queer people are going through similar circumstances and feelings this holiday season, so let’s dive in…
Here’s some getting-through-the-holidays-as-a-queer-person tips I’ve learned along the way:
- If you have no other choice but to spend the holidays around transphobic/homophobic family members, then make sure you go in to the party as ready as you can be. Have a few friends on speed dial that you can call when you need to vent or text for comfort throughout the holiday festivities. Having a persons ear, whether it’s an online friend on Reddit or Instagram, or a school friend, could help to take a little weight off your shoulders.
- Take moments for yourself. Step away from the people and the party. When I was a teenager, I used to step away and play my guitar in another room to take a break from the misgendering and dead-naming. Doing something that I loved helped me to feel okay through the ignorance. For me, playing guitar was how I could escape, so I did that. Think of what makes you feel calm and do that. Maybe that’s bringing earbuds and listening to your favorite music? Maybe it’s bringing a book with you? Maybe it’s bringing a coloring book? Bring a healthy escape with you.
3. Check to see what your local LGBTQ centers are doing. This year, it might be easier to find a virtual holiday plan because you actually don’t have to be local to a center to attend an event. If you can, get on Zoom, and get to an LGBTQ center event or support group. You might even meet someone that becomes chosen family!
4. You’re quarantining? Then let’s make it a Holiday Queer-antine! Schedule a Zoom party with your favorite people! Dress up in your favorite holiday gear. Make some hot chocolate. Put up some lights. Connect with the ones you love. Sing holiday tunes together. Play games. Be with your chosen family, even if that is virtually.
5. Know that you are not alone. Thousands of queer people are going through this same exact thing. Keep it in mind, that you are not alone, and that you don’t have to do the holidays like this forever. One day you will be old enough to spend the holidays with your chosen family. You’ll get to have a different experience, so please, just stick this one out! I believe in you!
Please know that no matter what happens this Holiday season, you are valid and loved. Stay true, stay you! Love, Ryan Cassata
About the Author:
Ryan Cassata is an award winning singer-songwriter, actor, performer, writer and LGBTQ activist & motivational speaker based in Los Angeles. With features in Rolling Stone, Billboard Magazine, The New York Times, Buzzfeed, and The Daily News, Ryan has made the most of his young career, which started when he was just 13.
As a musician with over 550 performances touring across the United States and internationally, including dates on the Van’s Warped Tour, SXSW and at the world’s biggest pride festivals, Ryan has been praised by The Advocate saying he’s a “Transgender singing sensation,” Paper Magazine put him on the “50 LGBTQ Musicians You Should Prioritize” list, LOGO put him on the “9 Trans Musicians You Need To Get Into” list and Billboard put him on the “11 Transgender & Non-Binary Musicians You Need to Know” list and premiered his most recent music video for “Daughter.” He has also been heard on Sirius XM Radio, BBC Radio 4 and other radio stations around the world. MORE INFO AT: http://www.ryancassata.com/
