Talking About Voting: The Hard But Necessary Truth
By Sassafras Patterdale
The 2024 election season is in full swing. From yard signs to t-shirts and bumper stickers, people are signifying who they intend to vote for in November. Some of us were raised with the idea that voting isn’t something you talk about. If someone wants to keep their voting intentions private that’s of course ok, but if they are open to talking about their vote it can lead to some important conversations. How someone votes is a personal decision, but it can be useful to talk with each other about why we believe the way we do and how that will influence our vote. If you encounter friends or family who intend to vote for anti-LGBTQ+ politicians you likely want to talk to them, but how?
Why Talk to Friends/Family
It might feel awkward to think about talking with your friends and family about how they are voting. But talking to them can lead to them realizing the harm a vote for an anti-LGBTQ politician could cause. Making the issues being discussed in the news personal by connecting it to your life, identity, and community can change someone’s heart, mind, and vote. By making these subjects personal and relatable, we help people understand how their vote can impact the lives of real people they know and care about.
Prepare Yourself
Before starting to talk to friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers about how this year’s election could impact your life as a queer person, take some time to think critically about what you feel comfortable sharing. There is nothing wrong with waiting to keep details of your life private and personal. To avoid feeling pressured into sharing more than you feel comfortable with, brainstorm a list of experiences related to your life or identities that you are comfortable sharing in advance. You might also create a list of things that you know you aren’t going to be comfortable sharing. While you likely won’t have the list in front of you while you’re talking to people, having put advanced thought into this can help you feel more prepared in the conversations.
Starting Conversations
Before starting any conversation make sure that it feels safe for you, and that talking about the election won’t put your housing, or stability in jeopardy. Assuming you feel safe talking with someone in your life about their vote, I like to start by seeking consent to have the conversation. Although their vote might make you upset, starting from a place of respect and making sure they are in a place to have this conversation with you can help start the conversation on the right foot. By not ambushing someone into a conversation that likely feels complicated for both of you, the odds increase that someone will be open to what you have to say.
Make it Personal
Instead of telling someone their vote is “bad” or you want them to vote for a different candidate than who they are currently supporting, it’s more effective to center your conversation around the tangible impacts of the policies that a particular candidate is supporting or condoning would impact your life. You can make these conversations as intimately personal as you feel comfortable with. For example, if you’re trans or nonbinary if you feel comfortable you can share about how accessing healthcare positively changed your life. There is also no obligation to get that personal. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing details about your life, you can talk about important but less intimate topics. For example, The New College of Florida has been in the news for dumping hundreds of books about women, people of color, and LGBTQ people in alignment with censorship laws that have taken effect in that state. You can talk about how access to books that reflect your life has been important to you. Often for heterosexual/cisgender people these concepts can feel abstract, but by personally connecting them to an individual they know they may start to rethink a candidate they intended to vote for.
Take Care of Yourself
Ultimately the only vote you have control over is your own. You are having these conversations make sure to prioritize self-care. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, or the person you are talking to is saying harmful and hurtful things it’s ok to disengage from the conversation. The most important thing is to protect your safety which includes your mental health safety. You can explain how voting for a candidate could harm you, your friends and community, but you can’t force anyone to vote a different way. Remember that it’s not your fault if someone doesn’t change how they are going to vote. All you can do is share your experience, your fears, your life and your hopes for the future. You can share why these politicians and the issues they represent matter but then it’s up to each individual how they cast their ballot. Don’t attach yourself worth to convincing someone in your life to change how they are going to vote. Remember all you can do is your best to explain why these issues matter, and how they impact real people.
About the Author
Sassafras Patterdale’s novels and nonfiction books have been honored by organizations ranging from the American Library Association to the Lambda Literary Foundation and the Dog Writers Association of America. Sassafras’ work has appeared in The New York Times, Wired, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Sassafras has taught queer writing courses and workshops at LitReactor, the NYC Center For Fiction and at colleges, conferences, and LGBTQ youth centers across the country. You can find more of Sassafras’ written works, including an edited collection exploring LGBTQ+ youth homelessness entitled Kicked Out, at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.
