The Harsh Reality of Same Sex Dating in High School
By Daniel Simpson
When I came out, it did not dawn on me that I would one day miss out on the experiences that my friends were having. I came out to my friend group in sixth grade, so dating was not really happening yet. I did have a brief relationship with a girl in middle school but it was never anything too serious.
We live in a society where straight is the default. Straight people have the luxury of having a crush on someone and having a decent chance of it working in their favor. For queer people, they not only need to find someone they have genuine romantic feelings for, but they need to scout out the people that are also queer. Society has created stereotypes that set off people’s “gaydar,” but sometimes identifying if someone is queer is not so easy.
Let’s say there is a grade of 100 people — 50 who identify as male, 48 who identify as female, and 2 who identify as nonbinary. Out of the 50 males, 2 have romantic feelings for men, and out of the 48 females, 1 has romantic feelings for women. It’s a bit crazy to think that 48 straight males have 47 options for women to crush on, while the 2 queer men have one option — each other. I apologize for all the numbers! Of course, this example is not super realistic…obviously, people date outside of their school all the time. But long story short, queer people have limited options.
I watched many of my friends pursue relationships in high school. They were experiencing so many “firsts” that I was not. I felt left out and frustrated. When would it be my turn? My friends were turning down people who asked them out. Why didn’t anyone like me?
I now identify as gay, but throughout high school, I identified as bisexual, thinking I just had a strong preference towards men. However, I set off many people’s “gaydar” right away, so I felt that the chance of any girl having romantic feelings for me was unlikely.
I knew queer people in high school, but most were my friends. I did have a crush on a gay guy for a few months, but the feelings were not reciprocated. Looking back, I’m not even sure if I truly had romantic feelings for him. Maybe it was the idea of him that I was into. We had become close and I liked having that bond. However, I think I was compromising because there did not seem to be many options at the time. If I’m being honest, there were people I was more attracted to but, knowing they were straight, I had to shut those feelings down quickly. One time in eighth grade, I had a crush on a guy who I thought was giving me signals — I told him I had feelings for him and, although he was super nice, I was rejected. He was straight.
I am happy that I now attend a very large, diverse university. I have been fortunate to meet many queer people, and I hope that one day, I can build a relationship with a guy at school. I also realize that having “limited options’’ will always remain true, but can be less of an issue depending on where I reside. If I live in New York City after I graduate, there will be many queer people to choose from. Wherever I choose to live, I will make sure it has LGBTQ+ representation and acceptance.
I may not have had a boyfriend at prom… or ever had a boyfriend period, but I know that day will come. Sometimes it just takes some extra time for us queer folk to get our happy ending.
About the Author
Daniel Simpson (he/him) is from Park Ridge, NJ, a small town outside of New York City. He is a first-year student at the University of Michigan pursuing a dual degree in Business Administration and Theatre Arts. Go blue!
Daniel was bitten by the theatre bug at the age of seven and has been a performer ever since. When Daniel was in middle school, he performed in a professional new musical called It’s Easy: The Friend Strong Musical, where he was introduced to the Be A Friend Project (BAFP). Daniel started an anti-bullying club at his high school, and now works for the BAFP as a Media Coordinator and a National Teen Kindness Board member.
In addition to performing and spreading the anti-bullying message, Daniel enjoys marketing, coffee, cooking, working out, and going on adventures with friends.
