The Importance of Checking In, As Taught by Elmo
By Sassafras Lowrey
Are you doing ok? Last month Elmo, yes everyone’s favorite fuzzy red muppet from Sesame Street, tweeted asking how we were all doing. The tweet currently has over 214 million views, 20,000 responses, and 61,000 retweets…. Clearly those of us who feel a connection to Elmo, have a lot to say about how we’re feeling about the reality of life right now! Many of the responses were people letting Elmo know how much they were struggling. Although Elmo’s tweet was earlier in the month, in the wake of the news of nonbinary sixteen-year-old Nex Benedict’s death after being beaten by classmates in a school bathroom I’m thinking a lot about how important an Elmo-like check in is for all of us. Queer people, and especially nonbinary and transgender people are understandably feeling traumatized and fearful, and we need community.
Queer Community Response
Anytime you’re experiencing big feelings, but especially as we consume news about the world, and our communities that are troubling, there can be an impact on our sense of self, well-being, and overall mental health. When we’re feeling destabilized one of the best things we can do is to avoid isolating. Talking with other people about what we’re worried about with the same openness and honesty that so many people responded to Elmo with can help foster deeper senses of connection between us. As we’re thinking about the cultural significance of Emo reaching out to check-in for me, the takeaway is about how essential it is that we create space with each other to connect with our friends and chosen families about how we are really feeling. Especially at times like this where violence against LGBTQ+ people is breaking news. When we’re worried, it’s more important than ever to be connected to our LGBTQ+ community.
Connect With Friends and Community
On top of whatever struggles you might be working through in your personal life, there are unspeakable horrors happening in the news. It’s easy for it to feel like most people are struggling a bit. When things get hard, or busy it can be easy to pull into yourself, to be insular, to not talk with people, but even the most introverted of us need connection with other people. It can feel vulnerable to share your feelings with others, but it’s important not to hold your emotions in. Share how you’re feeling with supportive people in your life including friends, family teachers, and counselors. People can’t help us if they don’t know that we are struggling, lonely, or upset about something. If someone asks you how you’re doing, and they are a person you feel close to and safe with, try to challenge yourself to be honest in your response. If you’re feeling lonely or are struggling, you also don’t have to wait for someone to check-in on you. Instead, even though it feels scary and vulnerable, try, and reach out to supportive people in your life. Telling people when you’re having a hard day, or are feeling overwhelmed or worried, can help you get the support you need, and help you to feel less alone.
Check on Your Friends
Do you ask your friends how they are doing? The big takeaway that I had from Elmo’s message, and the response was that a lot of people of different ages are dealing with a lot of hard things,but also that people are hungry for opportunities to connect and share about those experiences. While telling our problems to a very safe feeling old muppet friend like Elmo can be cathartic, most of us would probably find it just as helpful, or maybe even more meaningful to be able to share what we are going through with our friend and community.
Something we all can do that doesn’t involve having a twitter that gets millions of responses is to in our own lives create a culture of check-in, and support. Talk openly with your friends about how you are feeling and make space to listen to how those around you are doing as well. Connection is so important, and being honest, and vulnerable with people you trust can help you feel less alone and more connected. Connecting with others is also a way to process and work through big feelings when they come up. We can also all take some inspiration from Elmo and check in with our queer friends and community about how they are feeling. Not only can checking in help our LGBTQ+ friends feel less alone, being supportive can help us feel more present and connected to the people in our lives.
About the Author
Sassafras Lowrey’s novels and nonfiction books have been honored by organizations ranging from the American Library Association to the Lambda Literary Foundation and the Dog Writers Association of America. Sassafras’ work has appeared in The New York Times, Wired, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Sassafras has taught queer writing courses and workshops at LitReactor, the NYC Center For Fiction and at colleges, conferences, and LGBTQ youth centers across the country. You can find more of Sassafras’ written works, including an edited collection exploring LGBTQ+ youth homelessness entitled Kicked Out, at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.
