This is Valentine’s Day on the Aromantic Spectrum
By Mya Tran
It’s the month of love. With Valentine’s day looming, many people’s minds are on the holiday. Valentine’s Day can be an emotional day for many. Relationships, love, dating, these are the things that make many people’s world go around. Our media revolves around it, our sense of fashion, the jobs we chose, and even our taxes. However, romance is not universal.
Aromantics and asexuals have been a fundamental part of the LGBTQ+ community for all of history. The word aromantic first appeared in the early 2000s, allegedly after a discussion about the spectrum of asexuality. Aromaticism is defined as the lack of romantic attraction. It was separated from asexuality, or the lack of sexual attraction, for the distinction between the two attractions.
Both aromantic and asexual representation can be hard to come by, but the idea of aromantisism can be a partially difficult pill for alloromantics to swallow. Many who fall under the umbrella of aromanticism struggle to feel accepted and understood. Much of our world revolves around romantic love, so to many, a lack of love feels “wrong” and “lesser than”. However, being aromantic is completely normal and extremely valid. The idea of aromantisim challenges the expectation to find a romantic partner and start a standard nuclear family. Some people who are aromantic can find fufillment through platonic life partners, community, and family. Some people who are aromantic do feel romantic attraction, but it happens slower and less frequently than alloromantic people. There are several terms under the aromatic spectrum to describe this, such as cupioromantic, demi romantic, and so on.
Aromanticism can be extremely difficult to accept as a label for many. Most of us grew up expecting to fall in love and find a life partner. Many children’s games are centered around the idea of love and of marriage, and to realize that that is something you will never experience can be disheartening for many. It can be easy to compare yourself to those around you, and to reflect inward and ask yourself if you are in the wrong.
My own personal journey with aromanticism has been a difficult one. I identify as demiromantic, a term many use to label the idea of not being able to feel any kind of romantic attraction or interest until a close, personal bond is formed. When I was younger, the idea of falling in love seemed like another milestone in the journey of life. It was something I anticipated and was excited for. I thought falling in love was a big deal, and that it happened only a few times in your life.
As I’ve gotten older and have had many conversations about the ideas of love, I’ve realized that I’m relatively singular in that belief. Many people I know fall in and out of love almost weekly. Romance and romantic feelings come naturally and easily to them. I struggled in my relationships to tell if I was in love with someone simply because I did not feel like we were close enough for me to have that emotion.
It’s a difficult journey, of course, but being surrounded by my support system and people who were willing to hear me out and let me speak on how I felt guided me to my label, my community. Some people who feel the same as me would argue that I’m alloromantic. I have no qualms with this, as labels are personal and the definitions often vary person to person. But I will leave you with this:
Romance can be hard. I urge you to allow it to be hard. Reflect on yourself and talk to those you trust. I will not insist that you label yourself, only that you open your mind to all of the different possibilities that there are in the world. I’ve been able to find fulfillment in my life through friendships and the love and joy that those relationships give me. Romance is not necessary for a happy life. It’s okay to go without.
This Valentine’s Day, keep in mind those who will be celebrating alone, or with friends, simply because they are happier that way. There’s no need for sympathy or pity, only respect and understanding.
About the Author:
Mya Tran is an incoming junior at Butler University, in Indianapolis, IN. They are currently studying English on the creative writing track and German. Growing up in a small college town with limited queer role models, Tran has spent her life with her nose in the books, looking for someone to relate to.
