This is What Self Care Means to Me

By Daniel Simpson

I had trouble expressing myself in middle school after I came out. Though everyone had assumed I was gay, it was a secret I shared only with friends, and I was so worried about who knew and who didn’t. I was fortunate to attend a diverse high school where everyone’s identity was not only accepted but celebrated. I knew I wanted to be in a similar environment in college, and I have found that to be true at the University of Michigan.

Sometimes I make myself look confident to feel confident. In other words, I wear what I feel I look best in to brighten my mood. I used to wear my older brother’s hand-me-down clothes, which were typically athletic T-shirts and pants. When I started to figure out who I was, I wanted my personality to be reflected in my fashion.

Theatre gave me the courage to wear whatever apparel makes me the happiest. When I was in high school, I was in an original play where a costume designer wanted all of the male-identifying characters to wear black nail polish. I thought this would create an iconic aesthetic for the show, and was completely on board with wearing it. When my father saw the polish after a tech rehearsal, he thought it was my choice. In addition to it bending gender stereotypes, he felt it portrayed an edgy, bad-boy vibe, and he demanded I take the polish off. I refused, and we did not speak to each other for days. Though I never wanted to disobey my parents, I knew I was not harming anyone by wearing it.

In my high school’s next production, I was cast as a flamboyant character who wore high heels and a pregnancy belly. Fueled with fire from wearing the nail polish, I felt powerful wearing this as my costume. Though I would not wear high heels in my daily life, I was more than fine wearing them for a character. If I could wear this costume in front of an audience of 1,000 people, I could wear anything.

The journey of exploring my fashion sense went past the proscenium. I found liberation in highlighting my wardrobe with accessories that challenge conventional gender norms. My curiosity led me to practice eyeliner and purchase clip-on earrings. Now in college, I am less tentative about my outfits. I even go the extra mile on my hygiene, boosting my self-image with exfoliator and cologne.

Beyond fashion, a way I have been coping with stress for years, though perhaps cliché, is exercising. Though I am still working to achieve my fitness goals, I know that the gym will always be a great place to ease my anxiety. As I go through an exercise set, I think of what is bothering me and use it as motivation to conquer my workout.

Finally, the most recent way I have taken care of myself is journaling. There were some times at my large college when I felt lost and too uncomfortable to tell anyone how I was feeling. An empty notebook sat on my desk and, one day, I found myself jotting down my thoughts. I was shocked to see two pages get filled up in a matter of minutes. Writing was extremely therapeutic for me, getting everything off my chest without fear of what the response would be. I have struggled to find the motivation to continue writing daily, but I am thinking of alternatively creating an “audio journal” of sorts.

Self-care is not easy. When my friends are hard on themselves, I always tell them, “You are your own worst critic,” and frankly, I need to remind myself of that as well. I have found joy in fashion, exercise, and journaling, and recommend these self-nurturing strategies. I also encourage you to follow your own interests to escape from the stressors of life.

About the Author:

Daniel Simpson (he/him) is from Park Ridge, NJ, a small town outside of New York City. He is a first-year student at the University of Michigan pursuing a dual degree in Business Administration and Theatre Arts. Go blue!

Daniel was bitten by the theatre bug at the age of seven and has been a performer ever since. When Daniel was in middle school, he performed in a professional new musical called It’s Easy: The Friend Strong Musical, where he was introduced to the Be A Friend Project (BAFP). Daniel started an anti-bullying club at his high school, and now works for the BAFP as a Media Coordinator and a National Teen Kindness Board member.

In addition to performing and spreading the anti-bullying message, Daniel enjoys marketing, coffee, cooking, working out, and going on adventures with friends.