WHAT I KNOW NOW: Police Officer, Hate Crime and Community Cohesion Officer, Ian Ashton

I was born in Chatham in Kent in 1972. My dad was in the Royal Marines so we were always moving about. I was the youngest of three, so I have an older brother and sister. The military was never my thing and from an early age I had always wanted to join the Police.

When my dad retired from the Royal Marines he became a Police officer so this made me more than ever want to join and follow in his footsteps. I went to an all-boys high school so from my teenage years I probably started to realise I might be attracted to other boys. I wasn’t into sports or anything and had few friends I played around with.

The signs were there though. In those days, we had the old Grattan catalogues so I would flick through the menswear section paying particular attention to the underwear pages, but that was about it. It wasn’t a strong attraction but was definitely there.

After leaving high school, I went to College. This was really just to fill in time. I had no real desire to study. I also worked part time in retail and it was when I was 18 that I got my real taste for policing when I became a Special Constable.

My sexuality didn’t really figure much. I didn’t have any relationships with girls or boys. My focus was always on the Police. I was a Special for a couple of years then when I was old enough I applied to join the Police. I was accepted at 21 years of age. I joined Lancashire Police and again my sexuality wasn’t a thing. My career was more important and to be honest, back in 1993 there weren’t many openly gay men, probably more women but that’s just as it was.

I loved being a Police officer, and it was a few years in when I met my then wife. She was a serving Police officer. Up until then I hadn’t had any kind of sexual experience with men or women which probably only emphasised the fact I might be gay as most lads would have by then. Anyway, I fell in love with a colleague, we just hit it off and eventually got married.

It was what I wanted. I don’t regret it and at the time she was all I wanted. Again, maybe society played a part in that. Maybe I felt I had to conform to certain stereotypes. I don’t know, but I do not regret it.

We then had our son Oliver he was born on Christmas Day. He has a life shortening condition so we have many ups and downs with him and his health. He is my only child although his mum had two other boys who I brought up when we were together.

Life was challenging and eventually, as our relationship struggled and to some degree society became more accepting, I came out as gay. I was in my thirties. It was a very difficult time for me, but I got through it. But what would I do? How would I meet someone? I mean, I was married in the police with a disabled son. Where could I go? Because at that point, I didn’t really want anyone knowing I was gay.

I ended up going to gay establishment which I didn’t want to do but was my only option to avoid being seen. It was there where I met my partner Andy. We’ve been together now 15 years.

Like my ex wife, Andy was my first relationship with a man. We have now been civil partnered we haven’t as yet changed it to a marriage as we are happy for now. When I met Andy it was then I had to be true to everyone so I did come out at work. At the time I knew of only one other gay man and I thought that just wasn’t right. So I set up an LGB&T Staff Support Network and chaired that for 15 years.

I have spent much of my career over the last 15 years supporting other Police Officer’s and Staff locally and Nationally but also in my capacity as a Hate Crime and Community Cohesion Officer supporting victims of homophobic and transphobic hate crime.

I will finally retire in March next year and I have to say I have had the best career ever and I don’t regret anything I have done. My only regret is that I didn’t come out earlier.

My other half Andy spent most of his weekends in the Gay Village in Manchester partying, having fun and to be honest I missed out on all that. As an older gay man now, it’s harder to experience that life.

What I would say is that your life can take unexpected turns, but you should always be true to yourself. Don’t be swayed by others do what you think is right and above all, be yourself.

Life is short and to be yourself will just make it so much more enjoyable. We live in a time where people are quick to judge, comment or have an opinion, but don’t listen, be yourself and be happy.

As a young lad, I would describe myself as quiet, unsure and focussed. Now I would describe myself as confident, supporting and comfortable with who I am and what I have achieved.

Finally, who do I admire? Well, I admire many people but I have a lot of time and admiration for Tom Daley. Tom struggled with his sexuality as a young boy just like me, but he came out sooner and in a short space of time has achieved so much and influenced so many people.

What would I change, if I could? Perhaps society and labels. We focus too much on people having to have a label. It doesn’t matter. We are all different- that’s what makes the world such an interesting place.