What is Nonbinary?
By Sassafras Lowrey
Have you been hearing a lot about nonbinary identities but aren’t exactly sure what it means? “They” as a pronoun was word of the year in 2019 for the Merriam Webster Dictionary which for many people outside of the queer community was the first time they started to hear about “nonbinary” identities and terms. Although many people outside of queer culture have only recently heard about nonbinary identities, there have always been people who are nonbinary. Nonbinary is an identity that includes people who identify as exciting outside of the gender binary.
Defining Nonbinary
Each person who identifies as nonbinary will understand themself and their identity differently. However, most broadly nonbinary as a gender identity references those of us who understand our gender identities as not fitting into the binary of male or female. For some people nonbinary feels like a combination of both male and female. For others, nonbinary feels like something else outside of the gender binary. Regardless of if you see nonbinary as being all genders wrapped together, or something outside of what most people understand about gender, if you don’t feel like you’re male or female, you may be nonbinary!
Is Nonbinary Transgender?
Each nonbinary person will understand and express their identity differently so not every nonbinary person will identify as trans. However, when we look at trans/transgender as an umbrella identity that exposes the wide array of gender identities and expressions that exist outside of the gender binary of cisgender male and female, nonbinary is part of that umbrella of transgender experiences. People who are nonbinary may choose to physically or socially transition including the use of hormones and/or surgery to alter their bodies. However other nonbinary people do not physically alter their bodies. The choice for how we want to modify or physically transition is a personal one unique to each individual nonbinary person.
Nonbinary Identities in History
Today nonbinary experiences and identities are increasingly part of mainstream culture including presentation in the media. Nonbinary identities began gaining broader recognition in the 1990s as LGBTQ+ communities grew, and authors/artists like Kate Bornstein, Riki Wilchins, Leslie Feinberg, and others began starting public conversations about identities beyond the gender binary. During the 1990s and early 2000s “genderqueer” was the most common terminology used, for what today is frequently identified as nonbinary. Although these identities have been gaining recognition in the last 30 years, nonbinary identities have been expected long before this. Transgender and nonbinary people are not new and have existed forever in different civilizations and cultures around the world.
What Do Nonbinary People Look Like
Every nonbinary person is going to express their gender in slightly different ways. There is not one specific way to look nonbinary. A person’s nonbinary identity is legitimate regardless of how they choose to dress or express themself. Some nonbinary people will dress in ways that are generally perceived as being androgynous, while other nonbinary people will present their gender as an eccentric explosion of genders, or something else entirely. You can’t ever tell someone’s gender identity just by looking at them, and nobody needs to look a specific way for their nonbinary identity to be recognized or respected. If someone tells you they are nonbinary believe them, regardless of how they dress.
Nonbinary Pronouns
Just like anyone else, each nonbinary person will determine what pronoun is going to feel right for them. Just like there is no one right way to be nonbinary, there is no one correct nonbinary pronoun. Nonbinary people often will choose to use gender neutral pronouns because those pronouns frequently feel most accurate to our identities and are a way that we can signify to others that we identify outside of the gender binary. Currently the most popular non-gendered pronoun is they/them and it is the pronoun that many nonbinary people identify with. However, there are a wide range of other neopronoun options that many nonbinary people will identify with and utilize. These include ze/hir, co/cos, xe/xem/xyrs and others. Some nonbinary people want alternating pronouns or use no pronouns at all and want their name used in place of pronouns in reference to them. Pronouns are a personal part of someone’s identity and will look different for each nonbinary person.
Nonbinary identities are different for each person so if a friend tells you they are nonbinary don’t make assumptions about what that means to them. Ask your nonbinary friends what nonbinary as an identity means to them! If you identify as nonbinary try to avoid comparing yourself to other nonbinary people. No matter how you dress, how long your hair is etc. your nonbinary identity is real and valid and deserves to be respected and celebrated. There is no right or wrong way to be nonbinary, and all nonbinary people are valid.
About the Author
Sassafras Lowrey’s novels and nonfiction books have been honored by organizations ranging from the American Library Association to the Lambda Literary Foundation and the Dog Writers Association of America. Sassafras’ work has appeared in The New York Times, Wired, and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Sassafras has taught queer writing courses and workshops at LitReactor, the NYC Center For Fiction and at colleges, conferences, and LGBTQ youth centers across the country. You can find more of Sassafras’ written works, including an edited collection exploring LGBTQ+ youth homelessness entitled Kicked Out, at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.
