Mother’s Day and Father’s Day at School
A Canadian school has stirred up a conversation I’m glad to see happening. #MayIWrite — Day 4
I saw an article this morning about a school in Mission, BC who sent home a note with their primary students informing families that they wouldn’t be celebrating (making gifts etc. for) Mother’s Day or Father’s Day at their school.
Immediately I felt appreciation and relief on behalf of any of the students this may positively affect. The letter cites “…an effort to celebrate diversity, inclusivity and also nurture our students who are part of non-traditional families…” as their reasoning and not everyone is happy. On that basis, I can understand why families and community members could disagree with the school’s choice. Making space for students who would like to make more than one Mother’s or Father’s Day card, for example, or allowing children to decide who they make their card for could have been options. Also, what a great opportunity to bring in a conversation about the many different configurations of family!
Diversity, however, is not the only reason to question the status quo when it comes to these two particular holidays at school. The sad truth is that enough children can be genuinely triggered by these days, that the overall benefit does not outweigh the overall cost.
Children who have been separated from their parents, who are in the foster care system, who have an abusive parent who is still in their lives, who have experienced the death of a parent — these kids should not have to be put through the ordeal of being stuck in a classroom having to confront the painful emotions that may come. Particularly for primary age children, these crafts and activities are often guided and I have seen firsthand how painful it is for a child to go through the paces of creating something for a parent who causes them harm.
Out in the world there are triggers for these kids too, sure, but most of the time these are in circumstances where removing themselves from the painful stimulus is more available than it is in the closed space of a classroom.
It’s lovely to support children in making something special for a parent, but if we want to take good care of each other that means we must always consider the needs of the most vulnerable person in the room. Thank you, Albert McMahon Elementary, for vicariously bringing this conversation to light.
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