MBA Mama Spotlight: Mai Bocquet of Stanford GSB (part 2)

Stanford GSB ’16 MBA Mama, Mai Bocquet, recently shared her advice for Pre-MBA Mamas. In Part 2 of her guest blog series, Mai discusses what business school is like now that she is halfway through her program and shares some tips on what she would have done differently.

By MBA Mama Guest Blogger: Mai Bocquet // I won’t lie. Being an MBA mom is tough. Especially if, like me, you have a working spouse with a long commute and two very young children. Your journey will be more difficult because you have very different responsibilities than your classmates. And 95% of your class won’t fully understand. Some will argue that they have pets or spouses… But they have no idea how different it is. I myself didn’t have a clue before I had my own!

Because you have different priorities and responsibilities, 5–8pm is not the best time for you, like it might be for your classmates. Especially in the first quarter of school, I was never available for study groups/drinks because I wanted to make sure that my daughters would transition well into a new country. I needed to be there. I remember one night I did follow the crowd to socialize and came home at 1:00 am... The kids woke me up at 5:00 am! This is when you feel like the world is against you haha.

What Could Have Helped

Looking back on my first year, there are some things that I did not have but may have made my life easier. They are worth a thought if you are considering an MBA program:

1. A stay at home spouse, an in-house nanny, an au-pair, or a family member (grandparent, sibling) to help. Our parents helped a lot from abroad, and even though it meant that we were spending some time apart from our children it benefited everyone in the end.
2. One child only. While I thought that having my second daughter before business school would be better, when I only have to take care of one of my daughters, it feels like holiday has come early.
3. Children over 3 years old. It might be worthwhile to wait for your child to be more autonomous and have a better understanding of his/her environment before moving them to a new one.

Childcare

I realized that daycare was not a viable option for our schedule and our budget, so next year we will hire a nanny. While neither option is really cheap, I have found some hacks to getting an affordable rate in the US.

First, if you speak any other language (e.g. Polish, Chinese, Spanish…) go for someone who only speaks that language. She will be grateful to have a job, will agree to work for more reasonable rates, and your children will gain a lot from the bi-lingual experience.

Secondly, I recommend you get an au-pair if you have a spare room and have children over the age of three, as au-pairs often have less experience with infants. (Note for international families: some agencies will require you to speak English in your home.) It is still tough to manage but if you can fit it in, having full time care will make your life, and career launch, much easier.

Whatever money other classmates spent on traveling or partying, I spent it on my kids and traveling back and forth to see family and friends back home that I was missing dearly.

Our first year in the US was tough, full of frustrations, and straining on our relationship. Fortunately, it also made our family stronger.

This being said, I would not exchange my situation for anything in the world! I know I don’t need to worry about committing to the right partner, or even anguishing about the best timing to start a family.

I know where I stand. And I know that moms who are reading this feel grateful for this, too.

Stanford campus is a wonderful place for families, and I strongly encourage parents to apply. On-campus housing in Escondido Village is simply perfect for kids (think closed courtyards with endless shared toys, international friends in every house), and a 5-minute bike ride away from the GSB.

I hope to see more parents attending business schools in the future, and I especially hope to see more parents raising awareness for balanced family life.

Our classmates will be our future coworkers; we want them to have empathy and respect for parents. Our constraints, challenges and joys will hopefully be theirs someday, as well.

I hope to show that life is not over when you become a mom; life is not over after 30. My daughters keep me grounded. I want them to know I have sacrificed nothing for them; instead, they gave me the strength to pursue my dreams. I am endlessly grateful for them, my parents and my husband.