Book Summary 20 — The Willpower Instinct

As I’m reading on my Kindle now and don’t want to waste my phone battery on taking notes — the future book summaries going to be in retrospect of reading the books, based on my Kindle highlights (rather than at the same time as I read the book, as I’ve done it in the past)

Willpower — resisting temptation

3 different types — I Will, I Won’t, I Want

Self-control is a better predictor of
- academic success than intelligence
- effective leadership than charisma
- marital bliss than empathy

Being drunk, sleep-deprived and/or distracted deteriorates willpower
- if you want to fight it, recognise what it is that makes it hard, give it a name

Willpower is three powers

• meditation helps
• for a day try to notice every habit

Willpower is a biological instinct, like stress, that evolved to protect us

• controlled breathing
• spend 5 mins outdoors in the green
• nap or sleep
• relax to restore

Self-control is like a muscle it gets tired from use

• is your exhaustion real? often we think we can’t but we definitely can
• make sure to fuel your body — eat and drink
• practice willpower even if its just small things
• bring your WANT to mind if you think you can’t anymore

Focus on goals and values — rather than good and bad, as we give ourselves permission to be ‘bad’, once we’ve done something good

• remember the ‘Why’ you’re doing it
• don’t push things back to tomorrow, imagine it’s today

Brain mistakes promise of reward for a guarantee of happiness, so we chase satisfaction of things that don’t deliver our actual goals

• link goals to your dopamine firing desires (sweet craving, gaming, etc.)
• test the promise of reward from the dopamine firing activities — are they worth it?

Feeling bad leads to giving in and dropping guild makes you stronger

• stress relief through exercise, sports, praying, reading, music, friends, family, meditating, yoga, hobby
• forgive yourself when you fail, if you guilt trip yourself you just make it worse
• predict when you might fail (optimistic pessimism) and try to prevent it

Our inability to see the future leads us to temptation and procrastination

• Don’t do it — wait 10 mins and then you usually won’t want it anymore
• lower your discount rate — when you think about giving up, frame it as giving up your best possible long term goal outcome
• pre commit your future self — make it more difficult for yourself to bak out
• write a letter to your future self

Self-control is influenced by social proof, making willpower and temptation contagious

• Don’t get affected by others
• Spend a couple of minutes at the beginning of the day thinking about your goals for the day
• Bring a role model to mind
• Be proud and ideally make it public
• Make it a group project

Trying to suppress thoughts, emotions and cravings backfires and makes you more likely to do exactly that

• When bad thoughts come to mind, don’t believe, ignore and breathe — see above
• Notice your craving, accept it, distract yourself and remember your goal
• Surf the urge — stay with the physical sensation, not pushing it nor