How Energy Flows Between You and a Narcissist
Energy is like the stuff that makes you and me tick, and it’s all around us, holding everything together.
When you go outside, you can feel the energy all around, like the trees moving in the wind. It’s strong. Now, about narcissists. They’re like dark energy, sneaking into your life without you noticing.
They mess up everything like your time, your stuff, your feelings, your inner self.
Remember when you were with the narcissist? It felt like you were merging with them. You lost yourself because, honestly, nobody teaches you how to deal with narcissists in school.
And your energy? It was all messed up because of them.
Think about those mornings when you woke up while living with the narcissist. Were they already up and busy, finishing lots of things before you even got out of bed? Probably. They saw it as a competition.
They didn’t want you to rest well. Their goal was to mess with your energy, just like they’re probably doing now, wherever they are. This isn’t new, it’s what they did before you met them, and it’s what they’ll keep doing.
Understanding Narcissistic Energy Dynamics and Dream Interpretation
Think about how your sleep changed. Did you have intense or long dreams when you were with the narcissist? After the relationship, those dreams often revealed important messages, like hidden truths or what the narcissist was up to.
Dreams can be mysterious, making it up to us to figure out what they mean.
Here’s a tip: If you’re not already writing in a journal, I suggest getting a good pen and notebook. It’s helpful to write down anything about your relationship.
Until you feel better, it’s good to keep track of your thoughts.
Dreams, especially ones about the narcissist after you’ve broken up, can have important messages. Even if they’re not fun to think about, writing them down can help you understand them better.
Over time, they’ll bother you less.
Let’s get back to talking about the narcissist and how they mess with your energy. Imagine they’d wake up before you and make you feel bad for sleeping longer, saying they were busier.
But the reality? They were probably up all night on their phones, hunting for their next victim.
This habit of theirs, whether waking up early or staying up late, likely comes from their dislike of sleep. Personally, I don’t think narcissists need much rest.
How Narcissists Ruin Parties and Special Occasions
They stay up late because creating chaos excites them. That’s why narcissists crave attention from those around them and seek approval from unsuspecting people worldwide through their smartphones.
Think about the times you spent with the narcissist at gatherings like barbecues, parties, birthdays, or holidays. You used to go to these events with excitement, not knowing the chaos that would ensue.
Despite being kind, loving, and stable, maybe even empathetic, these occasions were always ruined by the narcissist’s behavior.
Before encountering the narcissist, you likely enjoyed some of your most memorable holidays, birthdays, and vacations.
However, once you crossed paths with them, they made it their mission to disrupt your joy and peace. This pattern repeats until something gives, as the narcissist continuously seeks to undermine those around them, even in their current relationships.
Handling Toxic Relationships with Narcissistic Manipulation
They want to see how far they can push those relationships. Will you keep giving endlessly? Stay stuck in feeling undervalued? Or will you finally say, “That’s it,” and break free? We don’t know what will happen, but I hope you’ve either left the toxic relationship or are planning your way out.
Think about how the narcissist’s family and friends might also be affected.
You might not have met their friends because you weren’t introduced or because they didn’t seem to like you, possibly because of the smear campaign.
Think about how things were in that relationship.
Imagine planning a vacation, all excited about it. But then, when you get there, you find out that even having the best hotel room isn’t good enough for the narcissist.
Living with a Narcissist, Constantly Walking on Eggshells
They’d fuss about the AC not being cold enough, food being a bit too cooked or undercooked, or having one too many ice cubes in their drink. And somehow, you were always the one they blamed for these small issues.
Being around the narcissist always felt like walking on eggshells, even on vacation.
You ended up becoming their helper, always on alert to meet their needs. It was like being stuck in a role you didn’t quite grasp, but you played along without realizing it.
You found out that even if you did 99 things perfectly out of 100, any mistake on the last one would be all the narcissist noticed.
They’d blame you for that one thing and ignore everything else you did right. So, every time you got a long list of tasks, you made sure to check and recheck your work to avoid getting in trouble for small mistakes.
It may seem tough, but it’s the truth about dealing with a narcissist.
They insist that you focus on their needs first, following their rules. When it comes to money, they have a peculiar strategy. They cherish your money above all else, enjoying spending it while secretly saving their own.
Understanding the False Sense of Togetherness in Narcissistic Relationships
In a relationship with a narcissist, there’s no “we”, just “I”. You’re likely seeing this now. They focus solely on themselves, not you. That’s why they often talk about their plans, for example like going to Germany, Bali, and so on.
You might have wondered why they said “I” instead of “we”.
You’re engaged or married, so you’re supposed to be a team, right? But no, there was no “we”. Even if you wore that ring and believed in your vows, they didn’t. Their vows were just a trick, a way to control you.
They never planned to keep their promises. They won’t, they can’t, and they never will.
The narcissist thinks marriage or engagement gives them power to control and hurt others. It’s like their strategy. They use being married or engaged as an excuse to attract other people’s attention easily.
They might say, “Yeah, I’m married or engaged, but we could still have something.”
Then they praise the person they’re after, even though they’re already married. They take advantage of this because they know the person will ignore the truth, fooled by the narcissist’s charm.
Understanding Narcissistic Relationships
When your marriage ends because of the narcissist’s actions, you’re no longer married. Now, the new partner, maybe they married the narcissist, thinking they’ve found a treasure. But it’s not true. They’re in the same place you were, trusting the narcissist’s commitment. Yet, it’s all fake.
The narcissist doesn’t commit in relationships.
You, me, and the new person were all committed. But they won’t have it better than you did. Don’t think the new person has it all. It’s all fake. The narcissist is shallow.
They find new people who don’t know their tricks and charm them, then hurt them later.
When they think they’re in charge, they start treating the other person poorly and taking advantage of them.
The narcissist’s manipulation gets stronger, leaving the other person feeling drained. That’s what I mean when I talk about the energy exchange between you and the narcissist.
Dealing with Controlling Behavior and Emotional Manipulation in Relationships
Think back to those times when you were still together. Maybe it was a special weekend where you could relax, or a weekday when the narcissist was away. But even when they weren’t around, they still found ways to control and drain your energy.
Imagine a regular phone call from the past with the narcissist.
They call, saying they can’t come home and need to stay at a friend’s because it’s late. You’d respond, confused, asking why it’s such a big deal. But instead of understanding, they’d accuse you of being insecure, sticking to their argument.
You’d hear someone laughing in the background, maybe someone of the same gender as you.
You’d feel confused and wonder if you heard right. They’d say the connection is bad and hang up quickly. How many times did the narcissist hang up on you? Probably too many to count. They don’t respect anyone and often use the phone to control conversations, hanging up when they don’t get their way.
Energy Dynamics in Narcissistic Relationships
These examples demonstrate how the narcissist sapped your energy to fuel their own. Remember, you’re the positive force, shining brightly amidst their darkness.
The narcissist, however, embodies negativity, like the opposite to your positivity.
If we had known we were getting into a relationship with such a negative person, we wouldn’t have done it. But we weren’t taught about this in school, and the narcissist didn’t give us any warning.
We didn’t fully understand what we were getting into. It was our caring nature and willingness to help that drew the narcissist to us.
They wanted to take away these qualities from us.
They wanted to take away a lot from us and replace it with their harmful actions like lying, causing conflicts, spreading rumors, hurting us emotionally and physically, and taking our money. To the narcissist, it’s all about being toxic. The weight of that relationship was on your shoulders the whole time.
Exposing the Lies and Manipulation in Narcissistic Relationships
Before getting married, you felt something wasn’t right, but you were too attached to notice. You thought you could rescue them, be their hero, or guide them to a better life.
What you didn’t realize was that they were fully aware of your efforts to help them.
You probably shared too much with them, giving them a chance to manipulate you even more. They knew you were deeply committed. Love was fake to them; they could pretend without any real feelings. They saw you as their hero and used that to their advantage.
They took advantage of you in every way they could, throwing in occasional kindness to keep you on their side.
During relationship, They like “I’ll keep looking for someone else to use. While you feel stuck and alone, your health, money, and mind will suffer. I’ll make sure to separate you from your friends and family. And eventually, I’ll turn your children against you by spreading lies, making them think you’re not trustworthy.”
Coping with the Effects of Narcissistic Manipulation
They like “I’ll suck their energy dry by manipulating them skillfully, causing chaos in their life again.” It happened to you, and it happened to me too. That’s just how narcissists operate, they punish kindness.
If you can love, consider yourself fortunate. Many people don’t really know what love is.
Narcissists lead the pack in lovelessness, fully aware of their incapacity for it. The emotional toll they take is genuine. Consider this after breaking up with a narcissist, before you block them, your phone remains a conduit for their messages, keeping you on edge about what they might do next.
You might not have wanted them to contact you, but you probably hoped for closure.
Still, not blocking them made you feel uneasy. Whenever your phone rang, you checked it right away, a habit from your time with the narcissist. You felt relieved if it wasn’t them, just a routine message from the store about groceries.
Understanding Narcissistic Texting Tactics and Emotional Manipulation
You’d feel relieved it wasn’t the narcissist. But if they did text before you cut them off, it’d likely be a basic “Hi” or “How are you?” lines they send to everyone. They don’t really care about you or ask how you’re really doing.
Don’t expect a sincere chat or an offer to meet for coffee, they can’t connect like that.
They use the same phrases over and over when texting. Narcissists message lots of people with these generic lines like “How are you?” or “What are you doing?” They wait to see who replies first, like it’s a game.
But remember, narcissists aren’t genuine or deep.
Talking to them, even through texts, always leaves you feeling drained. Think about it as we talk now, all those photos you had to handle.
Sorting through those photos, getting rid of them, was tough.
It meant saying goodbye to the past and being strong. The narcissist knew this and probably expected it. Did they keep any pictures of you? I don’t think so, but if they did, it could be to manipulate you later on.
Narcissists often use a tactic called “Hoovering” where they send you a photo of the two of you, even years later, out of nowhere.
It could be an email or a message on social media. Maybe it’s a picture from a nice day, like a Holiday from years ago.
You might remember it fondly, thinking, “That was a good day.” But then what happens? You start doubting if things were really that bad, getting drawn back into their manipulation. The narcissist wants you to break your no-contact rule so they can drain your energy again.
Steps to Reclaim Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse
That’s why I often suggest going no contact and not looking back. Close the chapter on these people and move forward. Slow down and simplify your life.
Remember, you are the priority now and you should come first.
Narcissists tried to take your money, time, relationships, and energy. They succeeded until you realized what narcissism was and how it had affected you.
Once you’ve seen the truth, you can’t unsee it.
You’ve noticed all the toxic behavior and realized the narcissist doesn’t care about you or anyone else. These people often seem to think alike, which I can explain in another article. The main point is that being with a narcissist won’t help you.
It didn’t in the past, it doesn’t now, and it won’t in the future.
To heal, you need to slow down and focus your energy on yourself. In the narcissistic relationship, your energy was scattered, and you were always overwhelmed with tasks.
Now, you don’t have to do that. You can slow down and focus on you. Take a class, teach a class, read a book, write a book, travel, meditate, fall in love again, make new friends, start or reclaim a hobby, or reconnect with someone who never met the narcissist. You can do whatever makes you happy.
Living in the Present and Free from Narcissistic Control
It needs to be free from narcissists. They wanted to mess with your energy and keep you stuck in a low, unhappy state where they feel comfortable. They wanted you to be always thinking about them, wanting them, and stuck in their thoughts.
They didn’t want you to heal or see who they really are.
They wanted to keep you stuck, and many people stay trapped like that. But not you. Now you’re part of the community, learning and watching out for signs while trusting your gut.
You’ve set boundaries, maybe even cut off contact.
I hope the narcissist can’t bother you anymore. I hope you’ve learned from the past and are applying those lessons now.
You’re not thinking about tomorrow, you’re focused on right now. This is where good things happen and opportunities show up. Good things are coming your way, not for the narcissist or anyone else, but specifically for you.
Wrap it up
It’s your time now. Take it slow and focus on getting better. If you haven’t already, think about blocking the narcissist. They want to keep you stuck and take whatever they can from you.
They know you’re caring and stable, and they’ve used your kindness in the past.
You won’t do that anymore because giving them chances in the past doesn’t help you now. You’ve had enough, you’ve reached your limit.
It’s your time now, your life, and it’s for you to enjoy with whoever you want, as long as they’re not toxic.
So, that’s it, everyone. I hope you enjoyed the article; I sure enjoyed writing it. This is Ryan. Remember, true change begins with a spark.
The connection with a narcissist is real and gets stronger each day. After leaving a narcissistic relationship, many realize they need to get away fast.
Strange things still happen even after cutting ties.
The solution? Cut contact and block them. Take back your energy, don’t let them drain you.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful.
Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!
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