When the New Supply Realizes
This person becomes the narcissist’s primary focus, receiving fake empathy, love, and attention. They are treated like a new shiny object that the narcissist showers with fake affection.
Before we go deeper, the new supply could be in one of three situations. First, they might not yet recognize narcissism and lack understanding. Second, they could be toxic themselves, possibly worse than a narcissist. Third, they might just not be aware of how common narcissism is. You might have been in this third situation before.
But soon the new supply will realize their life is about to change dramatically, they’re in for a wild emotional ride.
The narcissist will shower them with fake love, empathy, and care. The new supply often tries hard to please others and may not set boundaries, the narcissist will twist stories to their advantage.
For example, they might act like a victim, saying things like “I’m always alone, no one stays in my life. I never had the chances others did. Your job looks so fulfilling, I wish I had a career like that. Finding a good place to live has been tough, could I stay with you for a while until I get things sorted?” This is how they often seek sympathy from others.
How Narcissists Target Those with Valuable Assets and New Beginnings
When someone gets into a narcissistic relationship like you once did, as the new supply they’re often vulnerable and don’t know much about narcissism. They might be in a new situation, like starting a job, moving to a new place, graduating, joining a group, or becoming part of a religious community.
Narcissists go after new people, paying close attention to see if they can use them.
It’s important to know that narcissists don’t target just anyone.
They use and take advantage of anyone, but they prefer to trap people who have a lot to offer like time, money, energy, love, understanding, status, health, friends, or access to special places or vacation homes in Bali for example. These are the people they want to keep under their control in their narcissistic trap.
How Narcissists Exploit Trust and Conceal Their True Intentions
The narcissist studied you closely, identifying your weaknesses and seeing things about you that you couldn’t see yourself. They made you believe in the fake image they portrayed, manipulating you into a relationship, whether it was friendship or romance.
At that time, you were open to connecting with them.
However, the narcissist wasn’t honest or sincere. They hid their true self behind a mask and deceived you. If they had been upfront and given you a detailed report saying, “This is who I really am, this is how I’ve treated people before you, and this is what I plan to do with you,” you would have been warned.
But that’s not what happened.
Instead, the narcissist pretended to be someone they were not like a snake disguised as a harmless garden lizard, so to speak. They entered your life, got involved, and learned everything about you. Back then, you might have shared too much, which is exactly what the new supply is likely doing now, I can assure you.
How Narcissists Use Awkward Silences to Assert Control
When you were with them, how often did awkward silences happen? This wasn’t about the silent treatment, it was those moments in a house, in a trip, or at an event like lunch or dinner when things got quiet and uncomfortable.
What did you usually do? Most times, you broke the silence by saying, “Hey, are you okay?” and they would reply with, “What do you mean?”
In those quiet times, they were controlling the situation. They wanted to see who would speak first, it was a test of endurance. You might think, “That’s not much of a challenge, Ryan” but it becomes one when it happens over and over, day after day, week after week, year after year.
The narcissist craves control, and those awkward silences were a way to see if you would give in and start talking.
That’s what you and I did, and what the narcissist will do with the new person they’re targeting.
The narcissist will test the new person every day, they’ll use messages, emails, and gifts to see how available they are.
The new person doesn’t realize what they’re getting into, they might think they’ve found something great, but it’s more like being led astray. They were impressed by appearances and words, missing the lack of meaningful actions from the narcissist.
How Narcissists Lure New Supplies into a False Sense of Security
Every day the new supply stays in the relationship, they endure or tolerate abuse like mental, spiritual, emotional, sometimes physical, and financial. The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing, despite claims that they can’t help it.
If you doubt this, either you haven’t been in a relationship with a narcissist, or you’re misinformed. Narcissists live like everyone else and make daily choices: will they do what’s right, or harm others relationship to get what they want?
Sadly, they often choose the latter.
The new supply is being groomed, manipulated, and trapped. In new relationships, they might feel overwhelmed by affection or a sense of euphoria.
Deep down, they may wonder, “Is this too good to be true? Can it last?” The narcissist reassures them, saying, “This is who I am when I care deeply. I adore you because you’re special. You’re my soulmate, my perfect match. I’m committed to you and only you.”
The Narcissist’s Strategic Use of Affection to Control and Devalue
When you’re not familiar with these things, especially if you don’t know about narcissism, you let your guard down. You become vulnerable, believing all the harmful things the narcissist says because it sounds too good to be true, because it really is.
Then, after some time maybe weeks, months, or even longer the narcissist says those words: “I love you.” Whether you hear them or say them yourself, it means the narcissist has almost finished their plan.
They’ve trapped you in a bond of trauma, leaving you confused about how you got here.
You’re now in the stage where they devalue you. Now, they can start to pull back and see how you react.
They’ll test if you’re always available, and they’ll hold back affection, time, empathy, love, kindness, and everything. This is when the mistreatment gets worse, and the new person in their life will start to see this, if they haven’t already.
How Narcissists Exploit the New Supply’s Resources and Emotions
The new supply will find themselves spending money quickly. They might overspend on things, They might pay for taxi rides or use other transportation to visit the narcissist, or buy expensive food and vacations they can’t afford. They might even order expensive gifts online to show their love.
This financial strain can also affect their work productivity.
In the devaluation stage with a narcissist, you’ll think about them all the time, each morning, noon, and night. The narcissist knows this about you. Are they thinking about you the same way? Not at all. After the initial loving phase ends, they don’t invest that energy into you again.
Their goal from the beginning was to trap you in this devaluation stage.
This is exactly what they’re doing with the new supply. They’re grooming them, leading them into a fog of narcissism a place they’ve never experienced.
As they enter the devaluation stage, they start to feel the change in energy, just like you did. They’re beginning to see that the narcissist isn’t as kind, loving, or real as they seemed at first.
How Narcissists Use Devaluation to Undermine and Control the New Supply
The narcissist is now starting to let things slip, whether on purpose or by accident. They’re putting down the new supply by saying things like, “What’s wrong with you? Can’t you even cook instant noodles? I remember when you used to get things done, now you seem unable to do anything.” This is how they treat the new supply, making them feel inferior and pushing them to work harder and harder for the relationship and for the narcissist.
This is how the narcissist gets everything they can from the new supply.
What is the new supply doing during this devaluation stage? They’re giving their time, money, energy, and effort to the narcissist. They’re trying to recreate the happy, loving beginning of the relationship.
They hope for a few stable days like they had at first, but those moments are becoming rare because the narcissist has already achieved their goal of controlling the new supply.
Unaware of what’s really happening, the new supply starts accepting unacceptable behavior.
They become the unpaid helper, the person the narcissist complains to, the one who always apologizes, they endure days or weeks without communication. They find themselves texting the narcissist all weekend, even though they live together or are married, only to get a late reply in the morning, disrupting plans they made earlier.
How Narcissists Groom Multiple Targets Worldwide
They’re the ones who won’t get much on their birthday maybe just a plain “happy birthday” without gifts, thought, or anything special. They’ll find themselves isolated from what matters most like family, children, hobbies, friends, neighborhoods, communities, and work.
This is what’s happening to the new supply with the narcissist right now.
As I write it here, many of people worldwide are being groomed. You might wonder, “How is that possible, Ryan?” Well, every day, new people come across narcissists.
Grooming doesn’t take full-time effort, they can start from halfway around the world using a smartphone. They just go on dating apps or social media, like and follow people they’re interested in, send a standard message to many, and see who responds first or fastest.
Then they judge, “Oh, this one doesn’t know themselves. Oh, this one is naive. Oh, this one is new. This one is caring. This one replied quickly, they must have free time.”
That’s their plan, narcissists are grooming countless people globally.
It’s not just one person, when you were in it you might have thought it was only happening to you because it was your first time with a narcissist. I hope it’s your last.
But the narcissist was grooming others right in front or behind of you, everywhere.
If you don’t believe me, and if you ever get the chance, just check their WhatsApp blocked numbers yourself. That’s why they have multiple phones, that’s why they’re always on the move. That’s why they constantly need attention from people, trips, pets, children, job, and even from arguing with people in public.
How Narcissists Thrive on Chaos and Control
The narcissist thrives on disrupting people’s lives, always wanting to be the center of attention no matter what. They feed off attention, whether it’s positive or negative, but they usually prefer negativity.
If they can trap someone like you, a bright and hopeful person, and keep you under their control during the relationship, making you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, they feel satisfied.
They enjoy seeing others suffer because of the chaos they create with their toxic behavior.
They are troubled individuals who envy what others have because they can’t have it themselves, they can only manipulate it for a while.
In their shallow minds, there’s no room for real feelings. Only jealousy, envy, fear, anger, and confusion.
They may act confident and loud, taking over rooms, families, or workplaces. People often obey them, until they realize the truth and learn to break free.
That’s what I help with on this article and in our community. People learn to cut off contact, block these toxic individuals and anyone who supports them, and remove them from their lives completely.
Steps to Heal and Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse
If you can’t take action now, that’s okay. Consider using the Grey Rock method: share less, be less interesting, and keep distance from them. If that’s not possible, start planning your exit strategy.
Once you realize someone in your life like a family member, partner, coworker, or community member is a narcissist, it’s already been too long.
It’s crucial to distance yourself as much as possible, start healing, and understand that journaling can help.
Seeing a therapist who understands narcissism, setting clear boundaries, and practicing meditation or pray are important steps too. Healing from past hurts and educating yourself about narcissism are key parts of your recovery journey.
This is what the new person involved with the narcissist will soon realize.
They’ll see that the promising image they saw at first will actually leave a deep impact, needing a long healing process ahead. But that’s just the beginning, it’s not even half the battle.
After leaving a narcissistic relationship, the real challenge is recognizing you were manipulated.
Then, it’s understanding the toxic patterns and accepting that healing is essential. Radical acceptance is important too, knowing that as you distance yourself from the narcissist, your mind clears, their influence weakens, and you become stronger.
This is when you understand that your well-being comes first, with no room for narcissistic individuals in your life now or in the future.
You can’t forget what you’ve seen or experienced firsthand.
You’ve learned a language many people never do, it’s the language of surviving narcissistic abuse. Despite not wanting to learn this language, now that you have, it’s a powerful tool.
Once you’ve healed and reached a point where the narcissist and that time no longer affect you, focus on filling your life with positivity.
Only then can you decide if you want to help others. Some prefer to focus solely on their own healing, and that’s perfectly fine. Others find healing through supporting others like me, everyone heals at their own pace, and that’s okay.
The Harsh Awakening of the New Supply in a Narcissistic Relationship
All I’m saying is this, the new person in the narcissist’s life isn’t living a fairy tale. They might believe they are, but that happiness won’t last. When the money runs out, the good times will end suddenly.
That’s usually when the narcissist leaves.
When the new supply starts realizing they’re being mistreated, seeing their bank accounts drained, and noticing the rifts growing between them and their loved ones, it’s often too late.
Damage control is impossible because the smear campaign is already happening.
Your money is gone, and much has been taken from you. This is when the new supply asks themselves, “How did I get here? I used to have a good life before I met this person. They took me on an emotional roller coaster, but now I feel empty and discarded. I don’t know what to do next. How do I rebuild myself?”
You see, that was you, and that was me.
It’s not a nice place to be, feeling abandoned and having to fend for yourself. I wanted to say more, but I won’t. It’s a moment of realization when you understand, “I really need to process this, figure things out, and find a solution,” which you did.
But not everyone finds a way out and it’s not just about understanding narcissism or watching, reading, or listening to educational content about narcissism, it’s about using what you learn.
It’s about slowing down, cutting off the narcissist, and focusing on yourself rather than feeding their need for attention or draining your energy, which is what a narcissist often does.
Understanding the True Dynamics of Narcissistic Relationships
The narcissist traps people in their manipulative web, using them until two things can happen: the narcissist discards them, or the person finds the strength to leave.
No matter how your relationship ended, being out of it is a positive step.
Now, the focus is on healing. It’s important to recognize your value, worth, and embrace your inner strength.
Don’t think the new supply’s life is perfect, it’s not.
You might have seen snippets on social media, though you shouldn’t be looking. If you’ve heard about the narcissist and their new partner, know things aren’t as happy as they seem.
Behind closed doors, there’s likely abuse: mind games, verbal attacks, manipulation, stalking, and spying on social media. In a narcissistic relationship, things are never as they appear, and now you understand that.
Wrap it up
That’s it for today’s article. This is Ryan, true change begins with a spark. Remember, you were once the new supply. Back then, everything might have seemed perfect, but it was all part of a setup.
It marked the start of the cycle of narcissistic abuse that you’ve now left or are in the process of leaving. The initial showering of affection wasn’t real, it was a tactic.
The narcissist reflects what you want to see until they trap you in the phase where they devalue you, and that’s when the real harm begins.
Understand this: if the new supply is toxic too, the narcissist will exploit them too. If they’ve been in this situation before, they might not have figured out the truth yet.
And if they’re new to it, they’re in for a rough ride, like you were.
Either way, staying away from the narcissistic relationship is the way forward.
Never let these people back into your life.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful.
Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!
Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism
Now I am posting here on Medium only on Fridays and Saturdays.
Join me on Substack: https://ryanhwa.substack.com/
I post daily on Substack, starting with articles and audio podcasts. (Coming soon for audio podcast)
Or you can visit my website for free access: https://ryanhwa.com/
Feel free to highlight and comment on the parts of the article that resonated with you the most.
Thank you so much for reading everyone! Your encouragement really keeps me going. If you’d like to stay updated whenever I share something new on Medium, you can sign up to receive email notifications. By doing so, you’ll never miss out on any of my latest articles or stories.
You can support me by buy me a coffee on the link here or join my membership here! Your support enables me to continue my work with gratitude. ☕️
⭐️Get early access to my articles or podcasts before I post them anywhere else.⭐️
Your support means the world to me. Thank you for being a part of this journey, and I look forward to sharing more stories with you in the future!
