Love in a new era: have we just imagined it?
“Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Oh, he’s cute! Don’t you think he’s cute!? Oh my goodness look at his dog…could you just imagine if we started dating and I got to play with his dog all the time?! That’d be the best. Ok, I’ll swipe yes for him, he’s a possibility. Next.”
There used to be a time when men would court women and people had to pick and choose who was worth their time and who was not. Who could you not imagine your life without? It was rather simple, really, and two peoples’ worlds would slowly become one. There were expectations and traditions, that left little to the imagination except for the future they would build together, the foundation they would build on and the things to come. But for the most part, it was enough. That little imagination and excitement for the future with this one person they had so frivolously chased was what love stories were built on.
Today, we are faced with a world full of options. Women do not wait to be courted, but instead are independent, secretly waiting and wishing for the right person to come along and sweep them off their feet like all the stories they’ve heard about before them, but are uneasy about who they let in. Men, mostly from some built up stereotypes, find that it is an accomplishment to pursue as many women as possible, but have become somewhat timid in their approach. Unfortunately, in this day and age full of so many forms of online communication, it can sometimes be hard to distinguish what is real and what is just wishful thinking, or imagined. Did you two really click at dinner…or was it just all the messaging you had done before meeting?
Online dating sites have become the norm. Tinder, Bumble, Facebook, Match.com, and it goes on and on and on. Some people are searching for that one person, while others may just be looking for some fun, either way, we are suddenly faced with so many endless possibilities and choices. People can talk to multiple people, switching back and forth between the preferred choice of the moment, imagining a future with one(however short that future is), growing bored, and moving on to the next exciting possibility. It has made it difficult for people to really put in the time and effort that it takes to get to know someone, the patience and willingness it takes to give someone a chance and to let them show you who they are.
In this fast paced technological society, we are faced with so many different ideas and things that we want, we imagine our lives if we actually had them, but when we are not given it quickly enough it no longer is what we want. It suddenly becomes frivolous and unnecessary. On to the next thing, or person, maybe this time it will be better!? Online profiles don’t help the matter much. There is not much left up to the imagination when you can watch someone else’s life from behind a screen, never having to ask them about their day because you’ve watched it all on Snapchat, not having to ask their favorite color or food because it was posted on their Tinder profile. Wether they prefer cats or dogs, because, well who doesn’t post that absolutely everywhere? A lot of us think our dating lives are so free and great, but are we not a little trapped in the imagination of it all, stuck behind screens imagining what if, what if…? Is there not more to it than just posting cute photos together or getting tons of likes? Shouldn’t there be experiences and cherished moments, going out to dinner with one person and talking into the evening, learning what makes them tick or what gets them up in the morning? Growing together. There has to be more.
“Hey babe! Would you like to hear about my day?!” “I already saw it on Snapchat, and you posted that picture on Instagram. That restaurant looked pretty cool.” “Oh, ok. Well maybe next time you can join me!”
We imagine these lives, either full of romance with one person or with multiple people (to each their own), but sometimes I wonder are we stuck being ok living in this imagined world, moving from person to person, hoping that one day our expectations will be met more than we ever wanted? Do we, as a society, even have the patience to truly give someone the time it takes to get to know them? That’s fine to wait and hold out for that, but how many people can truly say they are ready to take a step back, remove themselves from the profiles and the swiping, and really work for something meaningful?
Maybe it will take more than three dates to really get to know them. Maybe there is more to her selfies at the bar or his gym pics. It’s time we stop imagining who someone is based off of how they appear to the social world and try giving people a chance to share who they really are with you, and that takes more than just living in an imagined world. It takes some reality as well. Imagine the happiness, yes. Live in the reality of now and grab it. Not everything can be as face paced and as simple as looking something up on Google. Stop assuming and start asking questions. Start trying to make experiences. Instead of taking constant pictures for the Snapchat or trying to get a new Tinder profile picture that you know will get you tons of likes, put it away, enjoy the moment, and who knows, maybe you will run into the person you’ve always imagined about.
