Do Everyone Need a Therapist?
“Everyone needs a therapist to function normally!” These words caused confusion and skepticism in my mind. I answered with a doubtful smile and the sentence, “Are you fu**ing serious?” I was twenty-three when we met for the first time — still filled with hope, ambition, and unrealistic expectations towards the world and its people. But maybe those words contained a big truth I could not accept.
In my career, I met a lot of children, teens, and their families. When you work with many people, time after time you find out what makes them tick. Why do they behave the way they do? For example, why do some teens stay out of trouble while others join the journey of heavy addiction and narcotics? The worst experience is when you already see the pattern in which the child will go, and despite everything done, he finds peace in the needle.
I thought that our so-called programmed way was only within the boundaries of our adolescence. And then I started to work in prison, educating inmates to help them rehabilitate and become functional members of our society. In some situations in life, you start to doubt your idealism. Maybe it is a sign of maturity? I like my students despite their criminal past… and most likely even future. Their behavior and life stories gave me a lot of understanding that previously was out of my reach.
People are controlled by their past their whole lives. It does not matter how old you are or how educated or wise you are. There will most certainly be a big point where you will fu** up, and the worst part of it is you will never be aware of it. Most likely, it will be sustained by denial, blaming others, or even addiction. Because of the belief that there is no other way. I saw so many bad, destructive relationships that are built to bury personal problems with narcotics, sex addiction, or not even being able to handle loneliness for minutes (own company).
It’s easy to point out different people’s flaws… but a whole team of educators suffered from the “Messiah Complex.” We wanted to save the world. Sometimes by taking responsibility for our students and not being able to set boundaries. Sometimes it caused big problems. But we denied our failures. We blamed corruption and different unfortunate circumstances. But did we want to make a change? Or did we just want to escape our problems by putting control over every situation we could? Everyone has a blind spot. And I know I have many. Unfortunately, everyone I know has them too.
As one of my favorite people in history once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Thank you, Carl Gustav Jung; you hit right in the bullseye. We cannot see ourselves from the side. And despite our limited knowledge, we have an extreme number of psychological mechanisms of denial. It can be skepticism or even overeating. To face our troubles fully is quite a challenge that is never easy. And I will put my thoughts in one uncomfortable sentence: “THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS; THERE IS SOMETHING MESSED UP IN ALL OF US.” And because we ignore it, our belief that it is completely normal means we willingly choose our big bowl of suffering.
Looking back on this conversation, I truly can reflect and understand. Everyone needs a therapist, a person who can help to see things from another perspective. A person who can help to break the chains of the past and truly live the life we desire.
With Love and Care, Darian
