This story started just like my favorite condom commercial. The line in store. A lot of tired and already annoyed by day people. Minutes go like hours extremely boring experience but somehow pieceful. And suddenly. There is this young dad and his little daughter. Seems that the girl and her dad had a pretty challenging time. They were sort of arguing. And there was this wonderful quote from him “If you will do that you are a pig”. And that was all it took the girl started to throw store products from the line right on the floor and laugh.
Well not surprising I believe she was something like three or four years of age. And Dad was still talking with her about it. “How you can do it? You are such a bad girl right now!” And he was picking up the things and setting to the places. But by the look on Dad’s face and the smile of the girl. I knew it was only beginning. Because he is completely in the hands of a little girl right now. The girl was moving forward and started to throw other clients’ things on the ground.
There is the thing about Latvians we most of the time do not care and we live in child-centered society. Which means if you mess with the kid here you are a bad one here. Well, one of the reasons I took a rest from my profession as a teacher! :D
This situation raises a question — “How to parent kids properly without using completely inappropriate methods” I believe that is quite a question. Pretty challenging one if we look at the situation that most cases we lack time and focus because of running busy lifestyles which are in demand in the modern age. By analyzing the situation and my experience in teaching I would love to give a couple of ideas. So far those methods are not working with just kids. Maybe useful for everyone.
- Focus attention on preferable behavior — Yes this one is the base of everything. Saying this is the main reason for all girl’s tantrums in a store. He gave too much attention to her misbehavior. And no matter kid or an adult. When we are noticed we feel appreciated or even in some cases in charge of social situations. This is the reason why some people love to be bad.
2. Be able to set a boundary — This is a hard one. A girl approached me and my stuff in a store. I gave her the most serious possible stare eye to eye. Intimidating for sure. She passed my stuff without touching it and went to the next guy by continuing her rampage. The hardest thing about boundaries is that most of the time we take things personally. And we close our eyes on the bad things our beloved has done. It is very bad. Because we need to detach personal relationships from actual bad deeds. That means we just do not let bad things happen or give consequences right now right here by the rules.
For example, If I would not let the girl touch my things by saying “It is mine so you are not gonna touch it” it would be more and less enough. Of course, with complicated situations, it is harder to do. As human beings, despite conflict, we tend to try to get the favor of people we see as more powerful. And there is nothing more powerful than word no. It was sort of funny. After throwing most of the things on the ground girl picked up a little cheese and tried to give it to me as a present! :D
3. Live a virtuous life — the first two are working for short time relationships and this one is for something time worth. We are modeling life approaches to everyone we encounter. And this effect on social is extremely strong. Just look on TikTok challenges. People are completely nuts about following others. The question is if you show certain behaviors with confidence and determination. Maybe firstly will be met by social resistance but in time will be an inspiration for the people around you.
For example doing sports, writing, and eating healthy. And this is sadly a double-edged sword it works the same with good deeds as bad deeds. So beginning of good parenting is just having a good life in a matter of our own daily choices.
4. Treat the person virtuously — Probably I will take this terrible quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” well another thing what is hard to do…. but it is working well. It means taking care of people but giving them responsibilities and respect a perfect middle ground.
For example, if you are hungry and hurt I am here for you…. but it is your responsibility to have a good life. I had children which I loved too much…. and sometimes I was the reason why they spread their wings later and hit the wall. People are capable of great deeds no matter their age, gender, or environment. So never put chains on their souls even if that looks completely insane. Because if they hit the wall they will grow from the experience.
Thank you for your time! The world is full of different situations yet results are always dependent on our actions. Therefore the world is in our hands.
With Love and Care!
Darian
Because we are all here together! :)
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