How Always Agreeing Proved To Be a Toll On My Health?

If you ever think that you are not doing enough for others then put your trust in me when I say that nobody could have done much better than you. Our sense of reason often gets subjugated by our humility and that’s what the people capitalize on. Here I’ll share my experiences on how always agreeing proved to be a toll on my health.

My ordeal

“A friend would do anything for the other". These are the words of that guy who would constantly remind me that I always fell short on friendship and another guy in my place would have done what I hesitate to. The idea was being constantly fed in my mind for months and I could not even comprehend because my attention was only focused on my insufficiency to be a good friend. In an effort to please him, only God knows when, I lost myself. I would do everything that was in my strength but still my efforts would not get praised. The constant reminder that I’m not a good friend made me subservient to his wishes. It was only after months when I realized and broke my shackles, now it’s been 4 months since I’ve parted ways with him and now I feel myself, the freedom and have surrounded myself with the positive people.

What actually a “No" is?

A “No" is not actually a refusal to a relationship but a no to what falls behind a person’s logical reasoning. If you refuse to comply to a person’s wish that does not mean that you are doing evil to that person but that actually means that you’re only refusing a favor asked, and not really a responsibility. Saying “No" means that you hold yourself high, you’re not a person whose mind could be altered with a slight trick of emotional blackmailing. Saying “No" means that you have empowered yourself; you live your life and not in a feeble effort to appease others; you embrace honor, dignity and your morals.

“Respect yourself and the others will respect you"

Why do we feel guilty?

Almost every person who cannot say a “No" has to experience this guilt. It’s not actually a guilt but only a hesitation that keeps you from touching freedom, from letting you experience life and from acknowledging your own existence. Your guilt in saying a “No" is only a saboteur, it would keep you in your comfort zone but slowly wreak havoc on your mental health.

Friendship is about equality

One should never get compelled by a relationship to say yes even if it’s between you and your friend. You might compromise your health in certain situations where you should have given yourself a thought. Your care and love for them is something that no calamity can take away and it’s specifically a bond that only you share with them but still, that does not mean that anybody has to measure or prove your love for them on the basis of how much favors you have done for them. No -a clear No- should always be in the back of your head while you calculate the probabilities of your action. Friendship is not just about saying Yes to everything but it’s also about standing against them if they are actually wrong.

For instance, if a friend asks you to stand by his side and consolidate his stance even though if he is at fault then bluntly refuse but never ever say try to escape that conversation by agreeing only because you are conflict averse. Friendship is not a trial and a friend should never be tested.

Adverse effects of saying “Yes" to every favor

There are tons of adverse effects of agreeing to other’s demands without considering our own interest whether if that includes our work or even rest. One thing that I need to clarify is that it’s not always about being a people pleaser, most of the times it is just because we do not know how to say “No", it’s just as if it’s inveterate.

Low self-esteem

Inadvertently, our too much care for others put us under the delusion that this is what life is all about -it is about helping others- and maybe that is just what every other person in our place would do. It’s not humbleness if you are always available for others, it’s called self-abnegation and that results in a low self-esteem. Humans have an old habit of taking others for granted.

Generosity becomes a weakness

The people would start taking your generosity as a weakness, they would exploit it and would use that as a weapon against you.

Feel dependent on others

Unfortunately, if a person asks you for a favor then it becomes the human tendency to perceive them as your closed one. As a result, what happens is that your brain starts formulating this idea of codependency.

Neglecting needs and getting exhausted

We neglect our own needs and at the end repine over the time lost. Saying “Yes" to a favor does not confine itself to a promise but it comes with accepting a few responsibilities. We prioritize other’s work over ours because it’s a trust that we make on the moral grounds.

How a “No" helps free you and improve your health:

Since I have started saying “No", it has helped me improve both of my mental and physical health. A “No" did not only help me empower myself but also acted as a purifier in my life. It helped me realize all the fickle friends, all those people whom I thought understood me, it not only made me realize but these self-centered and inconsiderate people actually got filtered out of my life. It was hard in the beginning but all went with the flow once I realized that I deserve a time for my own and setting boundaries is like taking care of a garden with different flowers yet to be blossomed. I finally feel the freedom, I can finally feel my surrounding and I can finally feel my existence. It has helped me accept and attract all the positivity, I feel optimistic about life, I feel lovely about myself.

Let me explain a few things that actually helped me saying a “No":

Never elaborate

Resist over explaining, there is never a need to elaborate why you refused a favor. The people would often ask you for favor but it should be kept in mind that it was never an obligation. It was a choice and that choice solely lies in your decision and the other one has to acquiesce in your decision.

Brief and Succint

Always keep your conversations brief and succint. There is no need to get in details, people always take advantage of that and would ask you for another one if you refuse one while convincing you that the other one would not burden you much. I always find that funny because such people always try to pretend as if they care about you. Remember that your true friend would never be needing your explanations, they would always understand you.

Set a boundary

Set a boundary for a healthier lifestyle. Nobody in the world would care about you if you don’t it yourself. To make others respect your opinions, you first need to acknowledge yourself and your goals in life. There should be no fear in disappointing others, you do not need their approval or validation. You matter a lot to the ones who love you and they will understand you without you needing to explain it. Start refusing people and just see how they start moving away from you, they’ll pressurize you or even call you names or would try to make you feel as if it was your fault that they are moving away, I guess that’s enough to let you decide on your own whether if such people actually deserve you or not.

I’ll explain my own story in the next blog. What I can reveal for now is that I feel my best after overcoming my hesitation to say a “No".